1990
To: Future Husband
From: 10 Year Old Me
Hello future husband. I really hope your name is Donnie, just like Donnie Wahlberg. I hope that you like milk with ice in it and I hope that you enjoy spending all day with a tom boy. I even kinda have a boy haircut. My favorite things are: New Kids on the Block, and a new TV show called, Beverly Hills 90210. I guess your name could be Brandon too. I'd be happy either way. I love to wear bibbed overalls with one side not buckled, and I almost always wear a hat with some sort of sports team on it. Anyway, I love you and can't wait to meet you. Peace out.
1998
To: Future Husband
From: 18 Year Old Me
Dear Future Husband,
I hope that you are all I've ever dreamed of and more. I know that God has you sitting there just waiting for the perfect time to meet me. Right now, I am pretty focused. I am helping as a counselor with our youth group and I enjoy taking all kinds of trips. I guess I'm not ready to settle down anytime soon, so take your time finding me. I was supposed to go to college and get a degree in Broadcasting. I wanted to be a radio DJ so bad. However, I just felt like God wanted me to stay available and help with the youth group. It's where I am happiest right now. I hope you don't mind being with someone who doesn't have a college degree. I hope you enjoy being with someone who has a heart for the Lord above anything else. Anyway, I love you and can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Natasha
2006
To: Future Husband
From: 26 Year Old Me
Dear Future Husband,
Okay. You can show up at any time. I've done so many things that I've always wanted to do. I've traveled to places I never thought I would go. I've spent plenty of time doing these things without you, and now I'm just ready. I know that you are out there. God reminds me of that every single day. He also reminds me that I have to be patient. "Be patient, my child. For the man I have for you will be worth the wait." I have heard that so many times. It's hard to be patient when all you want to do is fall in love and start a family. Everyone wants that white picket fence with two or three kids running around playing football in the back yard. I'm longing for that day. I'll keep praying for you. Anyway, I love you and can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Natasha
2011
To: Future Husband
From: 31 Year Old Me
Dear Future Husband,
I've come to the conclusion that maybe God's plan for me is to not ever meet you. Maybe God wants me to be single. I know that there are certain ones that He calls to remain single, I was just hoping I wasn't one of them. It's hard, because I have so much love that I could give you. But, for some reason, one of us isn't ready. I'm tired of meeting people and thinking maybe they could be you, and being disappointed when I find out they aren't you. Where are you????? Why haven't you come for me????? I deserve my white horse!!! Frustration has set in now. I have to start praying a different prayer in hopes that you will arrive soon. I'm lonely without you. Anyway, I love you and can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Natasha
September 29, 2012
To: Future Husband
From: 32 Year Old Me
Dear Future Husband,
I can't tell you how much fun I had with you last night. I can't tell you how you made me feel. I can't tell you how on fire I felt when I left. The first look into your eyes, and I melted. I just know in my heart that you are my future husband. I have prayed and prayed for this day, and it has finally arrived. I don't want to rush anything, but I can't wait to see you again. And again. And again. I can't wait to fall in love with you over and over. And over. And over. You have taken care of my loneliness and all of my prayers have been answered. I love you!
Love,
Natasha
"I have found the one whom my soul loves." Song of Songs 3:4
Present Day
To: Dustin Shayne Downs
From: 36 Year Old Me
Dear Love of My Life,
Let me start by saying thank you. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being mine. You are my heart. I want you to know that I will always be here. I want you to know that I won't ever give up on you, on us, or on this marriage. When I said "I Do", I meant it for life. I might not always be easy to live with, but I promise to try my best. I promise to always think of you before I think of myself. At times, I may become selfish. But know that I will overcome it. In the words of Derek and Meredith, we need to, "Love each other even when we hate each other." I think that's a very important thing to remember in marriage. There are gonna be times when we don't like each other, but we have to always love each other no matter what the argument is about. We both know, we can only win if we are US. If I win, you lose. And if you win, I lose. The only way we can win is together.
I promise to try and overcome all of my insecurities. I know that it's hard for you loving someone who is insecure. I know it's hard for you to love someone who overthinks everything. I know it's hard for you to love someone who has mild anxiety and some attributes of OCD. I may not always be easy to like, but I hope that I can be the kind of wife that is always easy to love. I promise to give you every ounce of love that I have in my heart. I've had plenty of time to hold on to that love. It's time for it to release. Fully release. I promise to be the very best Step-Mom that I know how to be. I've never had kids, and I don't know a lot about being a Mom, but I sure know how to love and how to be there for them. I promise to always love them like they are my own children. I pray every day that I can always have this kind of relationship with both of them. They are a huge part of my heart and my life and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm so thankful that God handpicked you just for me. It makes sense now why I was wondering where you were in 2011. It was all worth the wait. You will always be worth the wait. My heart will always beat for only you. I took those vows to heart back in April, and now I vow to you to become a better wife with each new day. To love you more with each new sunrise. To always be happy to see you when I come home from work every day. To always long to kiss you when you leave, even if it is to split up in Wal-Mart to make things faster. To always meet you exactly in the middle of the Mens and Womens restroom when we both have to go. To always enjoy Fantasy Football together, even when you beat me. To always grow deeper through our daily devotion and weekly songs we pick. To always be in prayer for you, and with you.
A few weeks ago, I read that you should read the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and replace the word "Love" with your spouse's name. So this is what it would read for me. "Dustin is patient. Dustin is kind. Dustin is not jealous, or boastful, or proud, or rude. Dustin does not demand his own way. Dustin is not irritable and keeps no record of wrong. Dustin does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Dustin never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." This is one thousand percent you to a T! I'm so blessed by you and by your love for me. You protect me and you love me even when I'm unlovable. I can't thank you enough for that.
There are things that I don't tell you. Like how sometimes at night, I let you fall asleep first so that I can watch your eyes blink. You have the most beautiful eye lashes. Or how it makes me feel in the middle of the night when you put your arm around me and pull me closer to you. Sometimes I feel like I can't get close enough to you. Or how I still get butterflies in my stomach when you look at me from across the room and wink at me. Or how my heart skips a beat when your hand touches mine as you go to hold it as we walk. Or how much I appreciate that you always help me cook and you always help me clean. I just want you to know, that I could never make it through this crazy life without you. Without your support. Without your protection. Without your love. For me, you hung the moon. For me, you are it. And, you are mine. You will always be mine. No matter what happens, I will never run away. I promise you that.
I know that the family that prays together, stays together. I know that we will always be together as long as we keep God first in our lives. That's always been important for me, and I know it's important for you as well. I pray that our walks with God together can do amazing things. Just think of what we can do with two hearts who strive wholeheartedly after the one true God. Anyway, I love you and I can't wait to see you again.
Love,
The Love of Your Life
"What God brings together, let no man separate." Mark 10:9
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Monday, October 24, 2016
Dead Man Walking
What is the worst thing you have ever seen? Or better yet, what is the worst thing you've ever done? We can all honestly say that there are things we wish we hadn't seen and things we wish we had never done. I don't remember ever seeing anything that has caused me to feel this way, but anytime I see an ambulance, I get sick to my stomach. I feel like I must have seen something as a child that I don't remember that made me sick to my stomach that involved an ambulance. It's especially bad when I see a wreck on the highway. I can't even look in the area of the wreck or I feel like I could throw up. It's crazy how the things you see impact you for the rest of your life. The worst thing I've ever done? Well. I got a ticket for not wearing a life jacket once. But to me, hurting someone I love is far worse than that. When I see the hurt I've caused, it literally rips my heart to shreds.
My husband's new favorite show is called, Timeless. It's about a team who have been hired to keep history the way it was intended. There is a group of vigilantes who travel back in time and try to change history. This team keeps that from happening. It's not really my thing, but I listen to it as he watches it every week. We got into a conversation about time travel one night while watching the show. We started discussing what if we could go back to any point in time and change the way something happened in history. I said to him, "What if you could stop Jesus from dying on the cross?" And he said "We wouldn't be here if that didn't happen. He died for our sins." I've thought about that a lot since we had that conversation. So much so, that I started thinking about all the sins I've been forgiven for in my life. So much so, that I began thinking of Jesus's death on the cross on a daily basis. So much so, that the first time I heard this song, it's all I could do to not cry my eyes out.
It's called, "Forgiven" by Crowder.
"I'm the one who held the nail. It was cold between my fingertips.
I've hidden in the garden. I've denied You with my very lips.
God I fall down to my knees, with a hammer in my hand.
You look at me. Arms open.
Forgiven! Forgiven! Child there is freedom from all of it.
Say goodbye to every sin. You are forgiven!
I've done things I wish I hadn't done. I've seen things I wish I hadn't seen.
Just the thought of Your amazing grace. And I cry, 'Jesus, forgive me!'
God I fall down to my knees, with a hammer in my hand.
You look at me. Arms open.
I could've been six feet under. I could've been lost forever.
Yeah, I should be in that fire. But now there's fire inside of me.
Here I am a dead man walking. No grave gonna hold God's people.
All the weight of all our evil, lifted away forever free.
Who could believe, who could believe?
Forgiven! I'm forgiven! Jesus, Your blood makes me innocent.
So I will say goodbye to every sin. I am forgiven!"
In my line of work, I see a lot of people who are in jail. I see a lot of people who are broken. I've always had a heart for people who are in jail. Those in trouble. The ones who feel like they will never find a way out of a dark cell. I've always loved movies about prisoners. I've always been intrigued with true stories of real people who have died because of the mistakes they have made. I try not to get into politics because of one reason. I don't believe in the death penalty. I know a lot of people don't know that about me. The reason for that is, I'm really too passionate about it to even discuss my feelings on it. But, I'm going to attempt to help you understand my reasoning on it.
Dead man walking. Have you ever had nothing but time to think about what you did to hurt someone? To hurt someone's family? Have you ever felt that tugging in your heart to know that you have no other hope but to trust that there is a God who will save you? I mean, when you get down to it, aren't we all just a dead man walking in a sense? Do me a favor, and read the lyrics to the above song one more time. Now, here is my thing. If God says that we are forgiven and His blood makes us innocent, how can we be for the death penalty? I'm not saying that someone shouldn't have to pay for the crimes they have committed by any means, but I'm just saying that I just can't wish death on another person. There is a verse that gets taken out of context by society all the time. It's found in Matthew chapter 5.
"You have heard it said, 'Eye for an Eye, and tooth for tooth.'" That's where most people stop reading. However, it goes on to say, "But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." Then, just 4 verses later, this. "You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your father in heaven."
For me, that speaks to heart and says that we just can't repay evil with evil. The truth of the matter is, we are all dead men walking. We may not know our exact day and time of our death. We may not get to pick the last meal we will ever put into our body. We probably don't ever walk with shackles on our hands and feet. But we have all been in that spot. The spot where we thought we would never make it out alive. We've all been in our own dark cell looking for light. Looking for God. Tim Tebow told a story about when he went to visit prisoners who were on suicide watch and was looking to witness to them. There were 4 cells in all, and he was unsuccessful in the first 2 that he went to. The 3rd cell, there was a young man who was not only in for murder, but he had also just killed another inmate a few days prior. Tim walked up to the glass and the man slowly came to him and he looked Tim right in the face and said "You're a Christian, aren't you?" and he said, "Yes sir, I am." The young man went on to tell him that minutes before he came to his cell, he had been arguing with God and he told God, "If you are real, show yourself to me." Then, Tim showed up.
No matter what you are going through in life, there is hope. You may feel like you are getting ready to be six feet under, but there is life. You may feel like you are the one who held the hammer and put the nails in Jesus's body, but He is there. With His arms wide open. For you. For me. For every sinner in the world. For every one of us who have been dead men walking. You can be free. You can leave it all in the hands that were wounded for you. He's here. Arms open.
My husband's new favorite show is called, Timeless. It's about a team who have been hired to keep history the way it was intended. There is a group of vigilantes who travel back in time and try to change history. This team keeps that from happening. It's not really my thing, but I listen to it as he watches it every week. We got into a conversation about time travel one night while watching the show. We started discussing what if we could go back to any point in time and change the way something happened in history. I said to him, "What if you could stop Jesus from dying on the cross?" And he said "We wouldn't be here if that didn't happen. He died for our sins." I've thought about that a lot since we had that conversation. So much so, that I started thinking about all the sins I've been forgiven for in my life. So much so, that I began thinking of Jesus's death on the cross on a daily basis. So much so, that the first time I heard this song, it's all I could do to not cry my eyes out.
It's called, "Forgiven" by Crowder.
"I'm the one who held the nail. It was cold between my fingertips.
I've hidden in the garden. I've denied You with my very lips.
God I fall down to my knees, with a hammer in my hand.
You look at me. Arms open.
Forgiven! Forgiven! Child there is freedom from all of it.
Say goodbye to every sin. You are forgiven!
I've done things I wish I hadn't done. I've seen things I wish I hadn't seen.
Just the thought of Your amazing grace. And I cry, 'Jesus, forgive me!'
God I fall down to my knees, with a hammer in my hand.
You look at me. Arms open.
I could've been six feet under. I could've been lost forever.
Yeah, I should be in that fire. But now there's fire inside of me.
Here I am a dead man walking. No grave gonna hold God's people.
All the weight of all our evil, lifted away forever free.
Who could believe, who could believe?
Forgiven! I'm forgiven! Jesus, Your blood makes me innocent.
So I will say goodbye to every sin. I am forgiven!"
In my line of work, I see a lot of people who are in jail. I see a lot of people who are broken. I've always had a heart for people who are in jail. Those in trouble. The ones who feel like they will never find a way out of a dark cell. I've always loved movies about prisoners. I've always been intrigued with true stories of real people who have died because of the mistakes they have made. I try not to get into politics because of one reason. I don't believe in the death penalty. I know a lot of people don't know that about me. The reason for that is, I'm really too passionate about it to even discuss my feelings on it. But, I'm going to attempt to help you understand my reasoning on it.
Dead man walking. Have you ever had nothing but time to think about what you did to hurt someone? To hurt someone's family? Have you ever felt that tugging in your heart to know that you have no other hope but to trust that there is a God who will save you? I mean, when you get down to it, aren't we all just a dead man walking in a sense? Do me a favor, and read the lyrics to the above song one more time. Now, here is my thing. If God says that we are forgiven and His blood makes us innocent, how can we be for the death penalty? I'm not saying that someone shouldn't have to pay for the crimes they have committed by any means, but I'm just saying that I just can't wish death on another person. There is a verse that gets taken out of context by society all the time. It's found in Matthew chapter 5.
"You have heard it said, 'Eye for an Eye, and tooth for tooth.'" That's where most people stop reading. However, it goes on to say, "But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." Then, just 4 verses later, this. "You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your father in heaven."
For me, that speaks to heart and says that we just can't repay evil with evil. The truth of the matter is, we are all dead men walking. We may not know our exact day and time of our death. We may not get to pick the last meal we will ever put into our body. We probably don't ever walk with shackles on our hands and feet. But we have all been in that spot. The spot where we thought we would never make it out alive. We've all been in our own dark cell looking for light. Looking for God. Tim Tebow told a story about when he went to visit prisoners who were on suicide watch and was looking to witness to them. There were 4 cells in all, and he was unsuccessful in the first 2 that he went to. The 3rd cell, there was a young man who was not only in for murder, but he had also just killed another inmate a few days prior. Tim walked up to the glass and the man slowly came to him and he looked Tim right in the face and said "You're a Christian, aren't you?" and he said, "Yes sir, I am." The young man went on to tell him that minutes before he came to his cell, he had been arguing with God and he told God, "If you are real, show yourself to me." Then, Tim showed up.
No matter what you are going through in life, there is hope. You may feel like you are getting ready to be six feet under, but there is life. You may feel like you are the one who held the hammer and put the nails in Jesus's body, but He is there. With His arms wide open. For you. For me. For every sinner in the world. For every one of us who have been dead men walking. You can be free. You can leave it all in the hands that were wounded for you. He's here. Arms open.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)