Dead Man Walking

What is the worst thing you have ever seen? Or better yet, what is the worst thing you've ever done? We can all honestly say that there are things we wish we hadn't seen and things we wish we had never done. I don't remember ever seeing anything that has caused me to feel this way, but anytime I see an ambulance, I get sick to my stomach. I feel like I must have seen something as a child that I don't remember that made me sick to my stomach that involved an ambulance. It's especially bad when I see a wreck on the highway. I can't even look in the area of the wreck or I feel like I could throw up. It's crazy how the things you see impact you for the rest of your life. The worst thing I've ever done? Well. I got a ticket for not wearing a life jacket once. But to me, hurting someone I love is far worse than that. When I see the hurt I've caused, it literally rips my heart to shreds.

My husband's new favorite show is called, Timeless. It's about a team who have been hired to keep history the way it was intended. There is a group of vigilantes who travel back in time and try to change history. This team keeps that from happening. It's not really my thing, but I listen to it as he watches it every week. We got into a conversation about time travel one night while watching the show. We started discussing what if we could go back to any point in time and change the way something happened in history. I said to him, "What if you could stop Jesus from dying on the cross?" And he said "We wouldn't be here if that didn't happen. He died for our sins." I've thought about that a lot since we had that conversation. So much so, that I started thinking about all the sins I've been forgiven for in my life. So much so, that I began thinking of Jesus's death on the cross on a daily basis. So much so, that the first time I heard this song, it's all I could do to not cry my eyes out.
It's called, "Forgiven" by Crowder.

"I'm the one who held the nail. It was cold between my fingertips.
I've hidden in the garden. I've denied You with my very lips.
God I fall down to my knees, with a hammer in my hand.
You look at me. Arms open.
Forgiven! Forgiven! Child there is freedom from all of it.
Say goodbye to every sin. You are forgiven!
I've done things I wish I hadn't done. I've seen things I wish I hadn't seen.
Just the thought of Your amazing grace. And I cry, 'Jesus, forgive me!'
God I fall down to my knees, with a hammer in my hand.
You look at me. Arms open.
I could've been six feet under. I could've been lost forever.
Yeah, I should be in that fire. But now there's fire inside of me.
Here I am a dead man walking. No grave gonna hold God's people.
All the weight of all our evil, lifted away forever free.
Who could believe, who could believe?
Forgiven! I'm forgiven! Jesus, Your blood makes me innocent.
So I will say goodbye to every sin. I am forgiven!"

In my line of work, I see a lot of people who are in jail. I see a lot of people who are broken. I've always had a heart for people who are in jail. Those in trouble. The ones who feel like they will never find a way out of a dark cell. I've always loved movies about prisoners. I've always been intrigued with true stories of real people who have died because of the mistakes they have made. I try not to get into politics because of one reason. I don't believe in the death penalty. I know a lot of people don't know that about me. The reason for that is, I'm really too passionate about it to even discuss my feelings on it. But, I'm going to attempt to help you understand my reasoning on it.

Dead man walking. Have you ever had nothing but time to think about what you did to hurt someone? To hurt someone's family? Have you ever felt that tugging in your heart to know that you have no other hope but to trust that there is a God who will save you? I mean, when you get down to it, aren't we all just a dead man walking in a sense? Do me a favor, and read the lyrics to the above song one more time. Now, here is my thing. If God says that we are forgiven and His blood makes us innocent, how can we be for the death penalty? I'm not saying that someone shouldn't have to pay for the crimes they have committed by any means, but I'm just saying that I just can't wish death on another person. There is a verse that gets taken out of context by society all the time. It's found in Matthew chapter 5.

"You have heard it said, 'Eye for an Eye, and tooth for tooth.'" That's where most people stop reading. However, it goes on to say, "But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." Then, just 4 verses later, this. "You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your father in heaven."

For me, that speaks to heart and says that we just can't repay evil with evil. The truth of the matter is, we are all dead men walking. We may not know our exact day and time of our death. We may not get to pick the last meal we will ever put into our body. We probably don't ever walk with shackles on our hands and feet. But we have all been in that spot. The spot where we thought we would never make it out alive. We've all been in our own dark cell looking for light. Looking for God. Tim Tebow told a story about when he went to visit prisoners who were on suicide watch and was looking to witness to them. There were 4 cells in all, and he was unsuccessful in the first 2 that he went to. The 3rd cell, there was a young man who was not only in for murder, but he had also just killed another inmate a few days prior. Tim walked up to the glass and the man slowly came to him and he looked Tim right in the face and said "You're a Christian, aren't you?" and he said, "Yes sir, I am." The young man went on to tell him that minutes before he came to his cell, he had been arguing with God and he told God, "If you are real, show yourself to me." Then, Tim showed up.

No matter what you are going through in life, there is hope. You may feel like you are getting ready to be six feet under, but there is life. You may feel like you are the one who held the hammer and put the nails in Jesus's body, but He is there. With His arms wide open. For you. For me. For every sinner in the world. For every one of us who have been dead men walking. You can be free. You can leave it all in the hands that were wounded for you. He's here. Arms open.