Starting Over

 

“Consider that maybe God closed that door because He knew you were worth so much more.”

What’s your dream job? Have you achieved it? Is it only called a dream job because it’s not supposed to become a reality? What happens when it does become a reality, but you hate it? There’s only one answer that I’m able to come up with. It wasn’t God’s dream job for you. And in order for you to see that, He had to give it to you. So that you would stop fighting to achieve it. So that you would see that it was never right for you or the person He wants you to be. This hasn’t happened to me, but it happened to my family. It happened to my better half. My mirror. My rock. I’m not sure how well you know me, or my husband, or us as a couple. I know some of you only know us as a couple from Facebook. Some of you may only know one of us. I’m going to tell you a story. Well, part of a story. The story of US.

Dustin and I met face to face on September 28^th, 2012. We began talking on a website called Christian Mingle on September 21^st, 2012. I could tell right away what a kind person he was. We eventually moved in together and ended up getting married in 2016. Our relationship has honestly always been wonderful. We have always respected each other and always loved each other. I know that a lot of people on Facebook probably look at my posts and think “They can’t love each other that much.” Or “She’s just putting on a show for Facebook.” Let me tell you, that is just not the case. This doesn’t mean we don’t have disagreements or arguments; it just means at the end of the day we both want the same thing. That same thing? Each other. At our wedding, the minister, and our great friend, said something that I will never forget. Dustin and I remind each other of the line he said all the time. He said, “I believe that you guys are going to do great things together.” It’s become our motto. The words we live by. 

In November of 2013, Dustin started a new job with a company called Good Works. A Christian based company based out of Franklin, TN that have several senior living communities throughout Tennessee, and Kentucky. Dustin started at Daisy Hill Senior Living in Versailles, Ky and he started out as an RA. While at that job, he met someone who would become a lifelong friend. He just happened to also be his boss. The executive director moved Dustin from a second shift RA to a first shift activities director. Once this director left the company, I noticed a shift in Dustin. In the early part of 2017, Dustin found out there was an opening at Windsor Gardens in Georgetown for an activities director. Since this was where we lived, he applied. It was a little more money and also close to home. He really wanted this job and I remember the amount of prayer that went into that from both of us. Both of us. Together.

I remember the morning so well. It was nearing the end of winter. I was driving to work, which at the time only took me about 5 minutes. In that 5 minutes, something wonderful happened. I was praying for  my husband, and all at once, I saw it. It truly came out of nowhere. It was to the right of me as I looked out my windshield. To most people it was just tree branches. To most people it would have just been another drive to work. But to me, on that particular day, it was a sign of peace. That everything was going to work out the exact way it was supposed to. As I drove, and as I prayed, I sang a song at the top of my lungs. And all at once, the tree branches parted and formed the shape of a cross. I can still take you to the exact spot where I saw it. From that day on, the song I was singing reminds me of that day and that experience. God moved in our favor that day. Dustin got the job. The song was called “King of my Heart” by Bethel Music and here are some of the lyrics.

“Let the King of my heart be the mountain where I run. The fountain I drink from. Oh, He is my song. Let the King of my heart be the shadow where I hide. The ransom for my life. Oh, He is my song. ‘Cause You are good. You are good. Oh, Oh. You are good, good, Oh Oh. And let the King of my heart be the wind inside my sails. The anchor in the waves. Oh, He is my song. Let the King of my heart be the fire inside my veins. The echo of my days. Oh, He is my song. You are good, good, Oh, Oh. You are good, good, Oh, Oh. You’re never gonna let, never gonna let me down. You’re never gonna let, never gonna let me down. You are good, good, Oh, Oh. You are good, good, Oh, Oh.”

During his time at Windsor Gardens, Dustin flourished in his job. He woke up every day just happy to go to work. I would always remind him that if he loved his job, it was a huge blessing. The residents there became his family. Some of them became my family as well. During his time there, his shift changed. He finally figured out what his dream was. To become the executive director at Windsor Gardens Senior Living in Georgetown, Kentucky. He worked so hard to reach his goals over the next 6 years. He was still his normal happy self, he was just more motivated than I had ever seen him. This was his dream job, and he was going to achieve it no matter what got in his way.

In June of 2023, Dustin’s dream came true. He was asked to be the new Executive Director at Windsor Gardens Senior Living of Georgetown. This was so huge for him and for our family. I can’t count the times I would remind Dustin of the line that was quoted at our wedding. “I believe you are going to do great things together.” I was so thankful for this opportunity, and I always thanked God for allowing Dustin to achieve his dream, along with making things easier for our family financially. I never lost sight of what God had blessed us with.

After less than a month, I was starting to question God’s decision. Something in Dustin changed. He wasn’t my same sweet, happy husband anymore. He was stressed out all the time and it always felt like he was somewhere else. We had more disagreements and arguments than we had ever had as a couple. Anytime his phone would ring, he would immediately get angry. It was almost always something he had to deal with at work. Every day when I would come home from work, he would be asleep on the couch. He would sleep until I got supper ready, and I would wake him to eat. Most evenings at home for me was just that. Sitting there alone after eating supper. It was a hard transition for me. I remained the encouraging wife. I tried everything I could to encourage him and remind him that God allowed him to have his dream job for a reason. However, when I was alone, I cried. I cried hard. I prayed, asking God, “Why is this going so wrong? What is Your reason for this? Is this really what a dream job is?” I never let him know my deep heartache I had going on. I did eventually end up telling him how different he was. I remember crying and telling him how I felt like I was doing life alone and that something had to change. That was probably a month into his new job. Things did get a little better after that at home. You could tell he was trying to be himself more and he was trying his best to help me out the way he used to. But, his happiness was drained and I could see it in his eyes. I didn’t like it at all.

For 11 months, this was our life. Dustin was more stressed than I had ever seen him. He lost all of his confidence in himself and it was destroying him mentally. Again, I tried to remain the encouraging wife through it all. I didn’t know what else to do to help him. I knew his dreams were falling apart and deep down I knew that it had to end or I was going to lose him. On May 16^th of this year, what I knew deep down almost became a reality. I was at the doctor and I saw my phone ringing and it was Dustin. I thought it was strange because I knew that I had told him I would be at the doctor. I ignored the call. Less than a minute later, my phone rang again and it was Dustin. The doctor was talking to me this whole time, so I couldn’t answer the phone. I knew the second time my phone rang that something was wrong. As soon as I got out of my appointment, I called him. No answer. So, I texted him, “Are you okay?” No response. At this point I am worried. I was supposed to go to work right after my appointment, but I couldn’t do that without knowing what was going on. Then it hit me, I can check his location. I looked and it was the address of the hospital. I immediately took off and drove to the hospital. When I got there, he had texted me back, “Are you going to work?” I responded with, “I’m here. Where are you?” I walked in the emergency room and the lady gave me his room number as she buzzed me back. I can’t tell you the fear that came over me. By the time I got to him, he had calmed down. He drove himself to the hospital, but he was having chest pains and trouble breathing. He thought it was a heart attack, as most people do, but it ended up being a panic attack. At that moment, I was done. Done with his job. Done with all the people who worked there with him. Done with the people who pushed him into it without any guidance. Done with those same people who showed him no support. Immediately, they were public enemy number one. And they still are. I’m still working through that, but I’ll get to that later. My husband sat in the hospital bed as they ran an EKG to check his heart. I called his mom, his daughter, my mom to let them know what happened but that everything was okay. Then, I told him, “This is it. This is the final straw. You need to start seriously looking for a new job.”  

Prior to this incident, Dustin had one other panic attack that I know of. He was at home and it was on a weekend. It was a very stressful weekend at our house. We were dealing with family issues. It happened around 3 weeks before this. However, I was with him and I knew it was a panic attack and I was able to calm him down. After this incident, he’s had no other panic attacks, or even any signs of anxiety.

A week later, the end was here. The end of all the stress. All the headaches. All the drama. All the pressure. All the crap that this “Christian” company put him through. I remember the phone call just like it was yesterday. I was at work, and I was so angry. This “Christian” company that Dustin pretty much gave his life for during the past 10 years, showed me who they really are. On this day, exactly one week after the job sent him to the hospital, Dustin was told by one of his employees that she was “so sad to see him go”. He was very confused by this, so he asked another employee, and she had a text that she showed him. The girl who worked directly across from Dustin, who he hired, sent a text out to all of the RA’s at Windsor Gardens. The text stated that per Leigh, who is the regional director of the company Good Works based out of Franklin Tennessee, as of today Dustin Downs is no longer the director and that everything should go through her now. “Her” being Chyma Puckett. My husband sends this text to Matt Fuqua, who is the CEO of Good Works. He acts so surprised by it but does nothing. So, my husband then goes to the source, Leigh Mooneyhan, the regional director of Good Works. She tells him some off the wall story as to why that text was circulated and that someone told her that he put his notice in. Keep in mind, if a director of a facility puts in their notice, they would do that with the regional director and the CEO of the company.

When I got the phone call from him, my words were simple. “Put in your notice.” In senior living, a director has to give 30 days for their notice as opposed to the normal two weeks. He said back to me, “I can’t do that, I don’t have another job yet.” All of a sudden, a peace came over me and I said, “God will provide. He always has.” It was quiet, and finally he said, “Okay.” A lot happened in the meantime, but Dustin kept trying to find another job. He even got on a plane and flew to Dallas, Tx by himself for a job interview. We thought sure he had that job. Why would anyone fly someone to Dallas just to tell them they didn’t get the job, right? He ended up not getting that job. Sometime after that happened, there were conversations with Good Works about Dustin staying at Windsor Gardens as the Activities Director of the Memory Care. They wanted him to stay, offered him a job and he even had a start date. The day before he was supposed to start, he texted the CEO and asked if everything was good for the next day. The CEO responded to him and said he wanted to move his starting date to another date two days later. So, again, the day before, Dustin sent a text to the CEO. This time, he gets a phone call. It was very unfortunate timing, that phone call. Because I had just made it home from work. During this phone call, Matt Fuqua, the CEO of Good Works, withdrew his job offer. Dustin wasted a week and a half that he could have been looking for another job because he thought he had a job with them. The “Christian” company. As he was hanging up with Matt, I said a comment that I shouldn’t have said… but in the moment it couldn’t be helped. We are all human, after all. I wanted to flip a table really bad, so he actually got off lucky. However, Dustin was really upset with me because he was afraid my comment would keep him from receiving his pay for his PTO time he hadn’t taken. It ends up, he may have been right. It took a long time for him to get it, and he only received half of the amount he should have.

So here we are, back to square one. In my heart, I knew that God would provide. I wasn’t worried, but I  was a little concerned for our family. During the whole “we want to fly you to Dallas” job opportunity, Dustin had applied for another job. The guy who would take part in the hiring process was his boss when he first started with the Good Works company in Versailles at Daisey Hill. He’s now the director at the Bluegrass Care Navigators Pace Center in Lexington. They were hiring for an Activities Director. Dustin has kept in touch with him all the years they were apart, and he’s been a very good mentor and friend to him. He was the first person to show up at our wedding, and Dustin didn’t work for him at that time. So, Dustin had applied for this job, and he thought it was long gone because he hadn’t heard anything. Dustin’s mentor had been in contact with him and knew about the possible job that he flew to Dallas for. He knew that Dustin ended up not getting the job. Then, one day, out of the blue, Dustin got a interview for the job at the Pace center.

The morning of his interview, I was taken back to the same place I was the morning of his interview for Windsor Gardens. My drive to work that day took me a little longer and on a different route. I didn’t see a cross that day, but I was overcome with tears when this song randomly played on a playlist I chose for the morning. I was halfway to work, and guess what song came on? Just on a random play list. “King of My Heart” by Bethel Music. I was reminded of that cross that appeared, and I was filled with peace once again. Knowing God would move in our favor. He is so good. And sometimes the human in me forgets that. “Let the King of my heart be the fire inside my veins, the echo of my days, oh He is my song. You are good. Good. Ohhhh.” I don’t remember the exact time frame after that, but Dustin ended up getting this job as well. Sometimes we need to thank God for what didn’t happen. The job he flew to Dallas for, wasn’t the right job. As hard as it is to grasp, his dream job wasn’t his dream job after all.

Once we found out Dustin’s start date for his new job, we planned the most spontaneous vacation. We knew he wouldn’t have time off for a while, so we decided to take a small trip. My boss was so kind to let me off for a week with such short notice. We rented a car, and decided to take day trips all week. We visited the baseball field that was used in the movie “A League of Their Own” in Huntingburg, Indiana. That is one of Dustin’s favorite movies and it was only a few hours away. We visited Eastern Kentucky and I became obsessed with Chris Stapleton and Tyler Childers and the town of Paintsville, Kentucky. Dustin became obsessed with Loretta Lynn. We also visited Butcher Holler. We made a playlist for the week called the Highway 23 playlist. Every video I made that week for TikTok had a Chris Stapleton or a Tyler Childers song. The song that seemed to stick that week was “Starting Over”. Here are some of the lyrics.

“Well the road rolls out like a welcome mat, To a better place than the one we’re at. And I ain’t got no kind of plan, But I’ve had all of this town I can stand. We’ve been saving for a rainy day, Let’s beat the storm and be on our way. And it don’t matter to me, wherever we are is where I want to be. And honey, for once in our life, Let’s take our chances and roll the dice. And I can be your lucky penny, You can be my four leaf clover. Starting over. This might not be an easy time, There’s rivers to cross and hills to climb. And some days we might fall apart, and some nights we might feel cold and dark. But nobody wins afraid of losing, And the hard roads are the ones worth choosing. Some day we’ll look back and smile, and know it was worth every mile. And it don’t matter to me, wherever we are is where I want to be. And honey, for once in our lives, Let’s take our chances and roll the dice. And I can be your lucky penny, You can be my four leaf clover. Starting Over. Starting Over.”

Even now, as I type those lyrics, I want to cry. Tears of joy in knowing that God worked everything out for us. This song will always take me back to that week. This song will always bring me peace. It has truly felt like a brand new start for both of us. I have my husband back. He’s happier than he’s ever been at work. That’s all I wanted. God provided. Just like I knew in my heart that He would. Are there still questions? Absolutely. The biggest one being, “Why would God allow me to have this if it wasn’t what He wanted for me?” and “Why did God want me to fly to Dallas for a job I didn’t get?” We may never know the answers. But I do know this, when God opened the next door for him, and for me 5 years earlier, I understand why the enemy fought us so hard. There was a song that got us both through that time. Actually, it was an entire album by Jeremy Camp. The one song that stands out to me, is called Better.

“I’ve screamed into the silence and all I heard was doubt. I’ve prayed to see the sunshine but the rain kept coming down. I’ve wrestled with the concept that Your plans are always good. ‘Cause half the time it doesn’t go the way I think it should. But You know things I never could, so, If I never understand. Or ever see the promised land. If You don’t answer my questions on this side of Heaven. I’m gonna trust the way You work, when You don’t rush to heal the hurt. My heart’s still Yours forever, even if it never gets better. I can’t unlock the mysteries, ‘Cause I don’t hold the keys. Can’t look into the future, ‘Cause I don’t see the way You see. So if You give or if You take, I will let You lead the way. Even if it breaks me, I’ll go where You take me. I’m gonna trust the way You work, when You don’t rush to heal the hurt. My heart’s still Yours forever, even if it never gets better.”

So here we are, starting over. We are still doing “Great things together.” God took care of us, as He always does. He always will. My heart knows that to be a fact. That’s what it’s really about isn’t it? The facts. The promises.

Isaiah 43:18-19 Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!

Hebrews 8:12 God forgives and forgets about the past, providing a new beginning.