Friday, July 15, 2016

More Heart. Less Attack.

"Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are." -Mother Teresa

Take a deep breath.
Just breathe.
This is the moment you've waited your whole life for.
This is your day.
This is God's plan.

I'll never forget the way I felt standing behind the door with no one but my Dad beside me holding me up. It was mixed emotions. I was the happiest I had ever felt in my life, but at the same time I was so overwhelmed by emotion. As I looked at my Dad for the last time as a "Snapp", he said to me, "Are you ready Tash?" and I said "Ready as I'll ever be." and he said with a giggle, "Let's go then." As I walked down the aisle, all eyes were on me. That part was hard for me. I'm not a fan of being the center of everyone's attention. I always want to go back to the shy little girl who hid behind her Daddy's leg. However, I couldn't much do that. Instead, I looked up. I looked straight ahead. I looked into the eyes of the man that I would spend forever with, as my Dad "carried" me to the next chapter in my life.

 We are all searching for someone to take care of us. It doesn't matter how old we get, we always want to feel loved and cared for by someone. My whole life, I've been blessed. I've always had that. In fact, two of the biggest supporters in my life have always been my parents. They took care of me as a child, as a teenager, as a young adult, and as an old adult. So much so, that I feel like I owe them my life. They had a huge part in me becoming the person I am. The good. The bad. The in between. It's me. And I owe most of it to them. I have my Mom's neck. I have my Dad's nose. I have my Mom's taste in music. I have my Dad's taste in food. I have my Mom's spunk. I have my Dad's sweetness. I have my Mom's forgiving spirit. I have my Dad's sensitivity. I have my Mom's gift of giving. I have my Dad's gift of spreading the Word. I have my Mom's heart. I have my Dad's love. They did their best to teach me what is right and what is wrong. For the most part, they were successful. They were the ones who taught me who Jesus is. They were the ones who always made sure I was in church. I was saved on October 17, 1993 and my biggest fan was right beside me, my Mom! I'm thankful to have such great parents in my life. Especially now that I've realized that not everyone is that lucky.

I went straight from two great parents, to having just as great a husband. He takes care of me. He has that gift. He's always taken care of someone his whole life. I'm thankful he chose me to take care of for the rest of his life. He has such a big heart and words can't express how blessed I feel to be the one holding that big heart of his. He is my life. We love each other more and more every day. My favorite part of our wedding day, we did what is called a "Cross Ceremony". It takes the place of the "Unity Candle". The outer part of the cross represents the man. The head of the household. The inside part of the cross represents the woman. Who is protected by the outer shield. The cross had three "nails" that held it together. We had Haylie do that part to show she helps hold us together. Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or more are gathered, I am their in their midst." Dustin and I have always put God first in our lives, and we promised to put Him first always in our marriage. He and I do a Bible Study every night before bed. A lot of people don't know that about us. We have done that for over a year now and it's something that I always look forward to. On Sunday nights, we share a song with each other that has spoken to us in some way during our week. We talk. We laugh. We cry. We get to know each other on a deeper level. It's my favorite part of my week.

One of my very favorite songs in the world is called "More Heart. Less Attack" by NEEDTOBREATHE. The lyrics are ones that I pray everyday. They describe how I want to be. The person I long to be. The person my parents taught me to be. The person God made me. The person Dustin fell in love with. I've always been told that I'm very kind hearted. I try to look out for people. I try to be the nicest person I can be. I try to make sure people are happy. I try to put others before myself. As you read these song lyrics, know that it describes the person I try my best to be. Who I am meant to be. Who I strive to be. Who I can't always be.

"Be the light in the cracks, be the one who's mending the camel's back.
Slow to anger and quick to laugh. Be more heart and less attack.
Be the wheels not the track. Be the wanderer that's coming back.
Leave the past right where it's at. Be more heart and less attack.
The more you take the less you have. 'Cause it's you in the mirror that's starin' back.
Quick to let go, slow to react. Be more heart and less attack.
Ever growing steadfast. And if need be, the one that's in the gap.
Be the never turning back. Twice the heart any man could have.
Be the wheels not the track. Be the wanderer that's coming back.
Leave the past right where it's at. Be more heart and less attack.
I stuck my hat out, I caught the rain drops.
I drank the water. I felt my veins pop.
I'm nearly sanctified. I'm nearly broken.
I'm down the river, I'm nearly open.
I'm down the river, to where I'm going."

I used that song in my wedding to seat the mothers and grandmothers. I chose it for a few reasons. I wanted to have a NEEDTOBREATHE song in my wedding, I wanted to always think of my wedding every time I hear it, and I knew the words would always be the ones I go to when I need to be brought back down a notch. The long and short of it is, God wants us to be his children. To love like He loved. To allow Him to do our fighting for us. To be that ONE that everyone talks about. The giver. The lover. The joy. So take that heart that God gave you and put it to good use. Especially in world we live in today. Be more heart. Be less attack.

Monday, July 11, 2016

How He Loves

 I've always loved music. I think it's something I got from my brother. Maybe we both got it from our Mom. As a kid, I adored my older brother, Travis. He was 7 years older than me and I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to do every single thing that he did. Everything I know about music, I learned from him. I know I have told this story a thousand times before, but my brother used to make me copies of his cassette tapes so that I could listen to "his music". I found out many years later, as he was recording the tape, he would pause it every time there was a bad word so that I wouldn't listen to that. It's one of the things I think about when I think of how great of a brother he has been to me. It's one of those things that makes me realize how much he loves me. He taught me the love of music.

When I was 13 years old, I heard a song that would change my life and my heart forever. It was called "Where There Is Faith" and I heard it at church. It makes sense that a song would be what would save me. That a song would show me the love of Jesus. That a song would make me want to live my life for Christ. "I believe in faithfulness. I believe in giving of myself, for someone else. I believe in peace and love. I believe in honesty and trust. But it's not enough. For all that I believe may never change the way it is, unless I believe Jesus lives. Where there is faith, there is a voice calling, keep walking. You're not alone in this world. Where there is faith, there is a peace like a child sleeping. Hope everlasting in He, who is able to bear every burden to heal every hurt in my heart. It is a wonderful, powerful place. Where there is faith." Those lyrics will always be the words that saved me. Those lyrics will always be what made me realize how much He loves me. Music taught me the love of Jesus.

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be Chris Tomlin? I bet he could walk into just about any church on the planet on a Sunday morning and hear one of his own songs during the worship service. This was my thought process on Sunday morning as I sang one of his worship songs at my own church. It really got me thinking on worship and how important it is to me. Worship time at church has always spoke to me more so than a message. The song we were singing on Sunday was called "Good, Good Father." I have heard and sang that song so many times over the past 6 months, yet on Sunday, for the first time, I heard the lyrics. "Oh, I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like. But I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night. And you tell me that you're pleased and that I'm never alone. Oh and I've seen many searching for answers far and wide. But I know we're all searching for answers only you provide. Cause you know just what we need before we say a word. You're a good, good Father. It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are. And I'm loved by You. It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am. Cause you are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways to us." Wow. Just think about those words for a second. They make my heart skip a beat.

But, it wasn't until I heard the last verse, that my heart felt like it could pop out of my chest. "Oh it's love so undeniable. I, I can hardly speak. Peace so unexplainable. I, I can hardly think. As you call me deeper still, as you call me deeper still, as you call me deeper still, into love, love, love." Even people who know me the best, don't know this about me. When I am worshiping, my heart goes into this deep, wonderful place. I feel like I'm with Jesus the whole time. I get so overwhelmed by the words of the song, that I can't stop wanting to cry. So, I stop singing until I can gather myself again. I stopped singing on that whole last verse because I just couldn't do it without balling my eyes out. Another thing about me that people don't know, is a big pet peeve of mine. It's something I need to work on more, because a worship service is the last place you want to be frustrated about something. I just hate it when people come in late. I know that things happen and that it sometimes can't be helped. BUT, if you are going to be so late that you are coming in during the last worship song wanting me to move so you can get to a seat, why not wait til the song is over? I think that's why most churches start out their worship with a fast song and they end with the slower songs. The slower ones are more moving and put you into the heart of worship. It bothers me so much when people come in THAT late. I know that God wouldn't want me to feel that way, but He also understands how important that part of the service is to me. Hopefully He can help me out with that struggle.

Do me a favor. Just sit still. In the quiet for one full minute. Think about nothing but one thought. "How much does Jesus love me?" My favorite worship song of all time is by David Crowder. It's called "How He Loves" and it's the one song that can always put me in my place. David Crowder is one of my all time favorites. Mainly because his lyrics are so deep. "He is jealous for me. Love's like a hurricane, and I am a tree. Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me. And oh, how he loves us, oh. Oh, how he loves us. How he loves us, oh. We are his portion and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes. If grace is an ocean, we are all sinking. So heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets, when I think about the way he loves us. Oh how he loves us. Oh how he loves us. Yeah he loves us. Oh how he loves us. Oh how he loves us." Now. Do me another favor. Look up this song. Listen to all 4 minutes and 8 seconds of it, all while thinking of how much Jesus loves you. I promise you, it will be something you will want to do again.

His love for us is an amazing feeling. His love for me, truly makes my heart turn violent inside of my chest. It does that every single time I worship Him. From the day I was born, I was influenced by music. I know I will be until the day I die. Thanks to people like Chris Tomlin, and David Crowder, I'm able to put myself back into perspective with just a 4 minute song. But, it's supposed to be that way.

"Sing to the Lord, all the earth, proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all people. For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise." 1 Chronicles 16:23-25

Monday, July 4, 2016

Live Second

To put it lightly, this past week was one of the hardest weeks I've had in a really long time. It wasn't anything to do with work, or anything to do with anyone else. It was just a battle within myself. A battle of control. A battle of not having any control over a situation. Because of my inward battle, it made it a hard week for not only myself, but everyone around me as well. I know that the Devil uses things to bring you down, and that he targets the ones that are easiest to bring down. People with a sensitive personality like myself. People who feel like they have fallen into water without being able to swim or have a way out. I saw a quote on Facebook the other day that describes it perfectly. "You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there."

There are so many things of this world that tend to take all of our attention. It doesn't matter how old we are, there is something that will get into our system and consume us. Last week, I became aware of a game called "Five Night's At Freddy's". It's rated for "Teens", however in my opinion, it shouldn't even be allowed for adults. A lot of kids are drawn to it as well which is what made me look into it. The backstory of it is: A man took some kids into a room and killed them, stuffing them into these animal robots, who now are trained to try and kill a security guard at night. As the "gamer", you are the security guard. That in itself should be enough for anyone to not let their kids play it. I stayed up until midnight for two nights straight just reading up on it. Listening to song lyrics, reading song lyrics, reading parental reviews, watching videos and even playing the demo of all 4 versions of the game. It is very dark and very scary. I became consumed with it. And not even because I wanted to play it. Because I was trying to become an expert at it. To know my facts in case anyone asked why I didn't want my kid or anyone else's playing it.

By becoming consumed by it, I lost sight of the fact that God is in control. It wasn't until I heard the same song about 6 different times that it finally sunk in. Jeremy Camp's "Christ In Me". Here are the lyrics: "In this obsession with the things this world says make us happy. Can't see the slaves we are in all the searching, all the grasping. Like we deserve much more than all these blessings we're holding. So now I'm running free into an ocean of mercy unending. So come and empty me, so that it's you I breathe. I want my life to be only Christ in me. So I will fix my eyes, 'cause you're my source of life. I need the world to see, that it's Christ in me. Done with what holds me down, the things I once was chasing after. Throw off these heavy chains that I have let become my master. So now I'm running free into an ocean of mercy unending."

Once those words were able to sink in, I was fine. I know that God is in control. However, it's always been hard for me to just let go and let God. There was an illustration I saw on Facebook this week as well. It seems that whatever you are going through, God allows every post you see or song you hear to be of some help to you. The illustration was this. "A psychologist taught stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected to be asked the 'half empty or half full' question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: 'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from 8 oz to 20 oz. She replied: 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.' She continued; 'The stresses and worries of life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer, and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day, you will feel paralyzed- incapable of doing anything.' So remember to put the glass down."

I know that God will always protect me and my family. I know that God will not allow evil to consume any of us. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  I know that God will take care of it for me. He always does. What do I have to do in exchange? Nothing. But if you are like me and you still feel like you have to do something, do this. Live second.

Dustin and I do a devotion every night. The book is called "Live Second" and it's from a series called "I am Second". There are videos and stories of athletes, actors and singers who tell their stories of how God saved them from something big and caused them to start putting God first in their lives. We both have bracelets that we wear almost every day. I know we both have had numerous people ask us what "I am second" means. Wearing that bracelet gives us a chance to tell our story. To witness to others about why they should put God first.

 My favorite line of "Christ in Me" is where he says "So come and empty me, so that it's You I breathe. I want my life to be only Christ in me." Allow yourself to be emptied out so that the only thing that you breathe is your Lord and Savior. Live Second. Always put Him first no matter what. Live your life in a way that everyone knows and sees your light shine. Ephesians 5:8 says "You were once in darkness, but now you are in the light. Walk as children of the light." Don't allow this world to consume you or your thoughts. Pray every day for evil to stay away from you. Let go and let God. Be emptied. Breathe Christ. Live Second.