"A Little Bit Longer, and I'll Be Fine."

"Even miracles take a little time." -The Fairy Godmother

Have you ever prayed for the same thing over and over and felt like you never got an answer? Have you ever questioned why God won't answer you? Have the unanswered prayers caused doubt in your relationship with God? Has the doubt in your relationship allowed the devil to have a stronger foothold? Let me answer all of these questions for you. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We have all been there. Sometimes more than we would want to admit. The real question is, how do we get back to where we were prior to the unanswered prayer that started the doubt in the first place? For me, it is almost always through song lyrics. Almost a week ago, I heard a song for the first time. I downloaded the song, and have heard it probably 100 times in 6 days. I instantly fell in love with it. This song brought my heart back to life. It took over the doubt. It reminded me that God is still there. God is always there. And no matter what His answers to our prayers may be, He is always a chain breaker. Which just happens to be the name of the song I heard by Zach Williams.

"If you've been walking the same old road for miles and miles.
If you've been hearing the same old voice tell the same old lies.
If you're trying to fill the same old holes inside.
There's a better life. There's a better life.
If you've got pain, He's a pain taker.
If you feel lost, He's a way maker.
If you need freedom, or saving, He's a prison shaking Savior.
If you've got chains, He's a chain breaker.
We've all searched for light of day in the dead of night.
We've all found ourselves worn out from the same old fight.
We've all run to things we know just ain't right.
And there's a better life. There's a better life.
If you believe it.
If you receive it.
If you can feel it.
Somebody testify."

I turned a year older this past Thursday, and for whatever reason, no matter how old I am, I still have trouble with letting lose of my chains. Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. What we have to remember, God allows things to happen to us for a reason. We don't know His reasons right away, and sometimes never. I'm living proof that He always makes us stronger through any battle we go through. Today, my heart is happier than it has been in a long time. Last night, a miracle happened. An answered prayer happened. Last night, I felt like I fell in love all over again. Last night, all of my doubts were removed. Last night, the devil was defeated.

"Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come." Jeremiah 33:3

Why is it so easy to lose faith? Why is it so easy to give in to the enemy? Especially when we read verses like that? All we have to do is ask. All we have to do is talk to Him. We have to believe that He will do what we ask. Don't feel selfish in your prayers. Ask Him for what you need. Talk to Him. Seek Him. Love Him. Believe He will answer you in His time. I've prayed the same prayer for over a year, and last night, that prayer was answered. Did doubt set in? Yes. Did I give the devil a strong foothold in my heart? Yes. But, once I was willing to let go and let God take care of it, He did.
John 14:14 says, "Ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"

Forgiveness is a very powerful thing. There are things that we need to forgive that we may not even know about. I think that comes with letting go of whatever chains you are dealing with. Once forgiveness comes, the chains are instantly broken. Sometimes, you need to forgive yourself. That's a lot of my problem. I always take the blame when something happens. I'm hard on myself. I kick myself when I'm down. I've always been that way. The hardest person for me to forgive is myself. Last night, I did that. Last night, my heart began to beat in a way it hasn't in a very long time. "Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'may you be lifted up and thrown into the sea' and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too." Mark 11:22-26

Have you found yourself worn out from the same old fight? I really feel like God speaks to us in mysterious ways. I received a picture on my wall for my birthday on Thursday and I read much deeper into than what it actually said. It was a picture of New Kids on the Block and it said:' Happy Birthday Natasha! Keep Hanging Tough!' Wait, what? KEEP HANGING TOUGH. Just a little bit longer. It was as if God was telling me that healing was right around the corner. I had no idea what He had in store for my family. Then, I saw another picture on facebook with a bible verse on it that a friend had shared. "God will use the very thing that was meant to destroy you to deliver you." 1 Samuel 17:1 Wow. All of that in the span of a few days. Even with the miracle that my family experienced last night, there are other needs. There are always needs. There always will be. My plan is to believe. Believe that I can ask God to do something specific and know that He will do it. Do you need freedom? Do you need saving? He IS a prison shaking Savior. Do you believe it? Have you received it? Can you feel it? Somebody testify.

I read something else this week that I want to leave you with.
"While praying one day a woman asked, 'Who are you, God?'
He answered. 'I Am.'
'But who is, I Am?' she asked.
He replied. 'I Am Love. I Am Peace. I Am Grace. I Am Joy. I Am Strength. I Am Power. I Am The Creator. I Am The Comforter. I Am The Truth and The Light.'
With tears in her eyes, she looked toward heaven and said, 'Now I understand. But who am I?'
God tenderly wiped the tears from her eyes and whispered, 'You are Mine.'"

"It Is Time." -Rafiki (The Lion King)

It's been a few weeks since my last post. It's been a rough few weeks. There have been a lot of emotions going through my mind. Through my heart. We lost Dustin's grandmother on July 20th around 10:30pm. It's one of the hardest things I've seen him have to face. Which made it hard for me too. I hated to see him hurt so bad, but I knew I had to be strong for him. In doing that, I held back my emotions. It was so hard to do that. I would go into the bathroom at home when he was asleep or when he was doing something and I would let my emotions out so that he couldn't see it. I knew it would only make it harder on him. I knew I had to be the strong one. There is a quote that says, "A strong marriage doesn't always have two strong people at the same time. It is a husband and wife who take turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak." That is one of the truest statements there is. I hope that I can always be strong for him when he needs me to. There is a song that came to me only 4 days before Mom-Mom passed and it is by NEEDTOBREATHE of course. It's called "Be Here Long". Here are the lyrics.

"Close my eyes and think of you. Go to sleep and dream of you.
We don't get to be here long.
I gave you the best of me. Loved you more than anything.
We don't get to be here long.
And though my heart may be in pieces, my eyes are still set on you.
And though I can't keep it together, I know that you want me to.
I'm swimming in the grief and there's no anchor that can hold me down.
And I don't want any relief cause I don't wanna let you go right now.
Your memories were a charity, they gave me more than I could need.
I know you found the promised land, but I'm still here and I'm missing you."

This song is what kept me strong. However, when I was in my car, and it was on repeat, I couldn't hold back my tears. Not only was I grieving for Mom-Mom, and hurting for Dustin, I was also thinking of my loved ones who have passed that I loved so much. I think I would cut off my right arm to have had my Uncle Bud at my wedding. I honestly would have given anything for that. I think the main reason is because every time I saw him, the first thing he would ask me was, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?". He passed before I met Dustin and I would have loved to have answered that question with, "Yes, I finally met the love of my life." and I never got to. He was well represented at the wedding. His wife, my Aunt Linda, was there. His daughter, my cousin Shari, was there and made my special day perfect. I know that he was right there for the wedding with his brother, his sister, his Dad and his Mom on the front row looking down at me. Which brings me to my next one. My Granny. In Dustin's loss of his Mom-Mom, it really made me think about my Granny. It made me miss her all over again. Why is it that even though we know our loved ones are in a better place, we still can't fully ever let them go?

There is a scene in my favorite Disney movie, The Lion King that I want to share with you. It happens when Simba first meets Rafiki. He tells him that he knows Simba's father, who has died. He explains to Simba that he is still alive.

Rafiki: Look down there.
Simba: That's not my father. That's just my reflection.
Rafiki: No. Look harder.
(The wind picks up. In the air the huge image of Mufasa is forming from the clouds.)
Rafiki: You see. He lives in you.

Mufasa: Simba...
Simba: Father?
Mufasa: Simba, you have forgotten me.
Simba: No. How could I?
Mufasa: you have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself Simba. You are more than what you have become.
Simba: How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be.
Mufasa: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember who you are.

Simba: Looks like the winds are changing.
Rafiki: Ahhhh. Change is good.
Simba: Yeah, but not easy. I know what I have to do. But going back means I'll have to face my past. I've been running from it for so long.
(Rafiki whacks Simba on the head with his staff.)
Simba: OWW! Geez. What was that for?
Rafiki: It doesn't matter. It's in the past!
Simba: Yeah, but it still hurts.
Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.

This takes me to a very spiritual place in my heart. It reminds me of how many times in my life I have been like Simba just searching for my heavenly Father. It's funny how death can make you feel closer to God. It's like you know your loved one is there with Him, and you know they are taken care of, and you are just so thankful that God is the one who chose to take them from you. In all of my emotions lately, I have been battling inside with fear. My struggle with that right now is so strong, and I know that it was just a gift from God that Haylie came to our house obsessing over The Lion King this weekend. I needed it more than she could ever understand. That scene in the movie always makes me feel protected. It makes me feel loved. It makes me feel that no matter what my inner struggles are, God will always take care of it. He lives in me. There is an older song by City Harmonic that has popped into my head, and I feel I need to share it with you. It's called "Fell Apart".

"Put me back together. I fell apart.
You are Creator. You understand my heart.
Man is prone to wander. I feel it everyday.
Put me back together. Won't you find a way.
If You are who You say You are, won't You be who You've always been to me?
Lord I crave for the real thing, just a taste.
You're something real in a world of fake.
Oh my sin of my heart. Begs for bread from a stone.
If You are who You say You are, can I live on words alone?
Tell me where's that hope and peace? Tell me where's that grace?
Words that heal this heart of mine. Lord, You found a way.
Bread of life. Light of the world.
Your home of rest, I may come in.
Good Shepherd. Resurrection Lamb.
The life, true vine.
You are my God. You have spoken.
You found a way. You are the way."

Just like Mufasa put Simba's heart back together, our Father can do the exact same thing for us when we are broken. Sometimes, it takes a friend's help. Do you have a Rafiki in your life? Better yet, are you someone else's Rafiki? Be a Rafiki in a Scar kind of world. I know it's hard, but it is what we are called to do. And if you feel like Simba right now, know that your heavenly Father loves you more than you can ever imagine. If you feel broken. If you feel lost. If you feel scared. He is there. All you have to do is look into the water and see the reflection. He lives in you. He wants you to remember who you are. He wants you to remember who he is. He wants you to remember that you are more than what you have become. He wants to remind you that you are His son. He wants you back. All you have to do is answer. It is time.

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27