Cuts Like A Knife

"I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more." John 15:1-2

I remember what it felt like as if it was yesterday. I don't think I'll ever forget the pain that it caused. All I was trying to do was make potatoes for dinner. Why did the knife have to slip? I ended up cutting my thumb pretty deep. Deep enough to have to go to the emergency room to get stitches. Seven months have passed and I can still feel the numbness in my thumb. I still can't do certain things with it. I feel like it will never regain full feeling in it ever again.

It's sometimes hard to separate literal cuts from emotional cuts. I know that I've had way more emotional cuts than anything else. I've had several literal cuts, but in my lifetime I know that nothing will ever hurt as much as an emotional cut does. I've experienced a lot just in the last few months. This Tuesday is election day and it's an election that I'm emotionally attached to. My boss is up for re-election and if she isn't re-elected, I lose my job as well. It's been pretty stressful to say the least. The other side have made promises that I know can't be kept. They have been pretty confident that they are going to win and even dressed up for Halloween as my very own job description. Meaning, the opponent already has someone picked to take my place. It's been very tough to keep my cool through it all. It's been even more tough to keep my mouth shut. And even more tough to keep my trust in the One who has full control.

God has a way of getting through to me though. Mostly, He speaks to me through music. Sometimes though, Facebook does something good and I can read things on there to speak to me. This week, that happened twice. Just when I needed it most. The first thing that I read was originally posted back in July. A friend of mine somehow came upon it and shared it last week. It's a post from a page called "Heart Prints" and this is the post word for word.

"I have to admit, I always wondered what this part of Psalm 23 meant. I thought "He anoints my head with oil" was figurative language for God keeping the Psalmist healthy. I never knew this parallel.

Anoint my head with oil.

Sheep can get their head caught in briers and die trying to get untangled. There are horrid little flies that like to torment sheep by laying eggs in their nostrils which turn into worms and drive the sheep to beat their head against a rock, sometimes to death. Their ears and eyes are also susceptible to tormenting insects. So the shepherd anoints their whole head with oil. Then there is peace. That oil forms a barrier of protection against the evil that tries to destroy the sheep. Do you have times of mental torment? Do the worrisome thoughts invade your mind over and over? Do you beat your head against a wall trying to stop them? Have you ever asked God to anoint your head with oil? He has an endless supply. His oil protects and makes it possible for you to fix your heart, mind, and eyes on Him today and always. There is peace in the valley. May our good Father anoint your head with oil today so that your cup overflows with blessings. God is good and He is faithful!"

Once I read that, tears came to my face. Then, I read it again. Then, I read it one more time. After that, I looked up the lyrics to a song that I love called Reckless Love.

"Oh, the overwhelming, never ending, reckless love of God.
Oh, it chases me down, fights til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine.
I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still You give Yourself away.
Oh, the overwhelming, never ending, reckless love of God."

If you are like me, something particular catches your attention in that chorus. The line that says, "leaves the ninety-nine." I wonder what that means? Well, let me use the book of Matthew to explain.

"If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won't he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn't wander away! In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father's will that even one of these little ones should perish."
~Matthew 18:12-14

It seems that all of this stuff is falling into a big bucket of "Things Natasha needs to remain calm". All of this sums up my feelings...and the facts....from the last week of my life. This past Friday morning, I found something else on Facebook. God spoke to me through my friend Brenda with her post. This is her post word for word.

"Pruning in the Bible is a reference to being cut on, having every branch that doesn't produce fruit, cut off, and every branch that does bear fruit, to be pruned, in order to bear more fruit. It hurts to be cut on, to be pruned, but in the end it produces good fruit that is pleasurable and nourishment to others. When you feel like you can't take one more cut, one more prune, remember that Jesus, a man who knew no sin, a good and loving man, our Lord and Savior, was pruned by the Father. John 15:1-2 Pruning is a good thing, the fruit will eventually come and we will know that it was well worth the pain. Stay strong, don't give up and know good things are coming."

Wow. That one stopped me in my tracks. That one allowed me to put my heart in a new place. A place of comfort. A place of peace. A place of knowing that God will take care of everything. If.... If I would only let him. Why is it so easy to forget that? Lauren Daigle explains that forgetting happens to everyone. But this week, she explained it straight to my heart.

"In the darkest hour, when I cannot breathe.
Fear is on my chest, the weight of the world on me.
Everything is crashing down, everything I had known.
When I wonder if I'm all alone.
I will lift my eyes, even in the pain.
Above all the lies, I know You can make a way.
I have seen giants fall, I have seen mountains move.
I have seen waters part because of You.
I remember, I remember.
You have always been faithful to me.
I remember, I remember.
Even when my own eyes could not see.
You were there, always there.
I can't stop thinking about,
I can't stop thinking about,
I can't stop thinking about,
Your goodness, goodness."

The long and the short of it all is this. God is in control. This song has been, and will continue to be my anthem throughout the next 48 hours. I know that my God takes care of me. I know that He can tear down any giant that I may face. I know that He can move any mountains in the way. I know that He can part the waters. No matter if I'm a wounded sheep. No matter if I'm a wandering sheep. He is always there to find me. He is always there to comfort me. He is there. Always there. Just ask Peter.

"Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake, while he sent the people home. After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone. Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o'clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, "It's a ghost!" But Jesus spoke to them at once, "Don't be afraid," he said. "Take courage. I am here!" Then Peter called to him, "Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water." "Yes, Come.", Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!", he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. "You have so little faith," Jesus said, "Why did you doubt me?" When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. Then the disciple worshiped him. "You really are the Son of God!" they exclaimed." Matthew 15:22-33

Focus on Me, not the Storm. ~God