"Sometimes it's that complete surrender, where we see that miracles happen." ~Chrissy Metz
Patience. It's a virtue. Or, so they say anyway. I'm not sure about you, but whenever I have to wait for something, I'm not very patient. If I'm at the Doctor's office, I sit there thinking "I was here on time, why haven't they called me yet?" Or if I'm at a busy restaurant, I look around thinking "Wasn't I here before them?". The thing about a restaurant is, usually you have to wait for a table, then you have to wait to order, then you have to wait for your food to come. This can make me very impatient at times if I'm very hungry. But all that stuff, is just that. Stuff. It doesn't amount to anything. Eventually you get in to see the doctor, and eventually you get to eat your food and you leave the restaurant feeling like you wished you hadn't ate so much. Real patience, that's the true test of life.
Last week, as I was sitting at home applying for jobs online non stop, I started to get anxious. I began to start my negative thinking. "What if I never get another job?" "What if the job I get is not what I want?" "What if I can't provide for my family as I have in the past?". Then, I glanced over on my living room table and looked at something that has sat on the same living room table for about 10 plus years. When Hallmark was still around, I used to go there often. To say that I love Linus from Peanuts is a complete understatement. He is my all time favorite cartoon character and anytime he is on anything, I feel like I have to have it. No questions asked. Hallmark used to carry a bunch of the Peanuts trinkets, and I have most all of the Linus ones. I can't remember who gave me this particular one, but it's a washing machine and Snoopy is on top of the washer, and Linus is washing his blanket while sitting in front of the washer. The caption is simple. "The best things in life are worth waiting for." When I glanced over and read that, it hit me. Patience. I have to wait for the right thing to come along before I'll get the job. A day or so later, a friend of mine tagged me in a video of Tim Tebow on Facebook.
In the video Tim said, "I think that we all go through seasons in our lives and I just want to encourage you that the season isn't meaningless and it's not wasted, that there's a purpose and a plan for it. Doesn't mean that it's a fun season, 'cause we all go through tough seasons, but that God has a plan in that. And it might not be a season of reaping but it might be the season of sowing. And sowing in your heart so that one day you're ready for that season of reaping. And you're ready when God opens those doors for you, and He's doing something in your life that He's just saying, 'You know what? Just trust me because I'm preparing you for something awesome" I know that God used my friend to send that to me, and I know that God used Tim Tebow to speak to me because at that very moment, I wouldn't have listened to just anybody. It HAD to be Tim Tebow.
A few days after that I was talking to my husband about my job search. He sort of got a little frustrated with me and he said something that shut me up. He said, "Natasha, you're NOT leaving it in God's hands." He was right. The reason that I shut up, is because it was my husband who said it. About 6 and a half years ago, I met my husband, and it's been the best years of my life. Regardless of anything life has brought us, I wouldn't trade my years with him for anything in the world. Before I met my husband, I thought that God intended for me to be alone. I was that girl who always watched the Nicholas Sparks love story wishing God would send me my very own Noah Calhoun (The Notebook). The last relationship I had prior to meeting my husband, was in 1999. I was 19 years old and I met my husband when I was 32. That's the prime years of falling in love and starting your own family. I tell you this because I was reminded of those years as soon as my husband said to me, "You're NOT leaving it in God's hands." I had all but given up on God sending me "the right one" to love me for the rest of my life. Then, God gave me the best man he ever created to love me. For the rest of my life. He sent me the epitome of Noah Calhoun. I waited a lot of years, but I would wait that many more if I knew I was getting him. So, what does this tell me? My husband was right. Just like the feeling I had that God had no man for me, I realized I had the same feeling about a job.
Fast forward a few more days.... I hear a song. A song I haven't heard in a while. A song by one of my favorites, Jeremy Camp.
"Lord help me now to face this battle
My strength has failed and my eyes can't see
Through the waves of doubt that take me under
In the chaos I hear You speak
You brought me rest in times of struggle
I lay my head down at Your feet
The storm in me that I can't wrestle
Is calmed when I hear You speak
Be still and know that You are my God
Be still and know that You are enough
Though my heart is racing still You're in control
Be still and know that You are my God"
Just as the great Psalmist David said in Psalms 31:14 "But I am trusting You, O Lord, saying "You are my God" I also came across this Psalm in the same day as I heard the song. Now, you try to convince me that God wasn't behind any of this. Patience. Be Still. It seems pretty simple. Today, I received a message from my Mom and it said "When it's not in God's time, you can't force it. When it is in God's time, you can't stop it." Read that again. I've read it about a thousand times since I got it. We all know that once we give God all control, that things fall into place. I know that God has the right job out there for me. One less stressful and one that I will enjoy. Possibly one that I can use towards His glory more than my previous job. I used to say how I just wanted to be able to say, "I love my job!" Maybe the next one, I will truly love with my whole heart. And I know God will give me that perfect job for me. Just like He gave me the Noah Calhoun I always wished for. God is good. Even in the waiting. Everything comes in His perfect time.
"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
Tuesday, January 8, 2019
It isn't in my blood
"I've got a theory that if you give 100% of the time, somehow things will work out in the end." ~Larry Bird
Have you ever just felt like giving up? I know that's kind of what they call a "stupid question". Everyone has felt that way at some point in their life. The sad thing is, some people feel that way more than others do. Some people just don't have a strong mind. A strong personality. A strong heart. I, Natasha Downs, am one of those people. Sometimes I think that I have such a big heart for others, that when it comes to taking care of myself, I just don't have it in me. I know that having a big heart for others is not a bad thing. Jesus had the biggest heart in the world for others. I just feel at times, that having a big heart for others makes it tough when I need to have a strong heart for myself. All that being said, I can honestly say, I have never once actually given up. No matter how much I've felt like it. As my youth minister told me, "It's not about the feelings anymore Natasha. It's about the facts." The inspiration for the title of this blog came to me a few weeks ago. My niece is a huge Shawn Mendes fan and I was looking him up to make sure she had my approval. After reading the lyrics to a song that he wrote, let's just say I approve 100%. God speaks to me through lyrics every single day. Sometimes, it's not a Christian song. Here are some of the lyrics to In My Blood by Shawn Mendes.
"Help me, it's like the walls are caving in.
Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't.
It isn't in my blood.
Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing.
I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something.
Keep telling me that it gets better, does it ever?
I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious.
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this.
I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh
is there somebody who could
Help me, it's like the walls are caving in.
Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't.
It isn't in my blood."
These particular words in this song really spoke to me. Why? Because it was exactly how I have been feeling over the past few months. There have been feelings of anxiety. Feelings of insecurity. Overwhelming feelings. There were times that I would ask Dustin if he was going to be home during lunch or even after work on time simply because I didn't want to be by myself. It felt like the whole world was saying to me, "It gets better.", not in so many words. Losing my job has really taken a toll on my heart. To say my heart is broken, is an understatement. However, my God is a God who heals. My God is the "somebody who could help me..." in this song. My God is the One who allowed me not to give up. This time, or any other time I have felt like it. How does He do that? One simple word. Faith. You've heard it said that faith can move mountains. Let me tell you something, it can. My faith has been stronger lately. Why? The heartbreak. The unknown. The uncertainty.
"You call me out upon the waters.
The great unknown, where feet may fail.
And there I find You in the mystery.
In oceans deep, my faith will stand.
And I will call upon Your name.
And keep my eyes above the waves.
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace.
For I am Yours and You are mine.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters.
Your sovereign hand, will be my guide.
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me.
You've never failed and You won't start now.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without boarders.
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
and my faith will be made stronger,
in the presence of my Savior.
I will call upon Your name.
Keep my eyes above the waves.
My soul will rest in Your embrace.
I am Yours and You are mine."
Some of the purest, most peaceful, lyrics I've ever heard in a song. This song has been my go to for the past week. It has the reminder of faith. Trust. Hope. Love. "But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13 No matter what comes my way, I know that God has got me. I know that He has a plan. And as I'm finally able to start the healing process, I couldn't be more thankful for the waves he wants me to ride. For it does one thing, makes my faith stronger. God has always been faithful. He's always been there. Always been my constant. There was another song that God spoke to me through about a week ago. It's what I like to call, a "conversation with God" song. It's by TobyMac. I'll write the lyrics in a way you can understand easily.
Me: Another heartbreak day. Feels like You're miles away.
Don't even need no shade, when your sun don't shine, shine.
Too many passin' dreams. Roll by like limousines.
It's hard to keep believin', when they pass you by and by.
God: I know your heart been broke again. I know your prayers ain't been answered yet.
I know you're feeling like you got nothing left, well lift your head, it ain't over yet, ain't over yet.
Move, keep walkin', soldier keep movin' on. Move, keep walkin' until the mornin' comes.
Move, keep walkin', soldier keep movin' on, and lift your head. It ain't over yet, ain't over yet.
I've had this conversation with God about a million and one times in my life. More so recently. I can't remember a time when I've felt this down. This angry. This heartbroken. This betrayed. However, as all of these songs have reminded me, God is on my side. No matter the mountain, God can move it. Which is why He wants me to keep movin' on. He has a reason for my heartbreak, and He will be there with me through the healing. I truly believe God made my heart into a giving heart. He gave it to me and told me to use it in every way possible. I feel like I have always done that. I always put others above myself. I always use my heart to show love to others, even the ones who are hard to love. I've used my heart through the words of all of my blogs, in hopes that it will reach someone. I give and give and give because it's in my nature. It's my gift. And no matter how much my heart gets broken in this life, I know that it will continue to give. Just like Larry Bird said, "if you give 100%, somehow things will work out in the end." God takes care of His faithful children. I plan to be God's girl until the day I stop breathing. I will continue to move on. I will continue to be amazed by Him and His unfailing love. I will continue to praise His name no matter how big the waves are He wants me to go through. Just like Seventh Day Slumber reminds us, He makes oceans from the rain.
"And I'm amazed by You. Cause You're never far away.
And all that I've been through, Your love has never changed.
And nothing I've acquired means anything at all.
Cause you're everything I needed. You're so much more than I deserve.
You make oceans from the rain. Breathing life into this place.
And I will drown inside your love. Until I see your perfect face."
Tomorrow, I have a very important job interview. I am praying that it's the one God wants me to have. If not, I know He still has bigger and better things out there for me. I'm tired of being sad, and I'm ready to be hopeful. I'm ready for my faith to be put to the strongest test of it's life. I'm ready to be the strong hearted Christian that God made me. No more negativity. Tonight, I was reading in our book for our small group bible study. I came across a passage that really spoke to me, and I'm going to leave you with that, and a quote from Dabo Swinney, who just won the NCAA football championship last night. "To God be the Glory!"
O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Turn and answer me, O lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "We have defeated him!" Don't let them rejoice at my downfall. But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me. Psalms 13:1-6
Have you ever just felt like giving up? I know that's kind of what they call a "stupid question". Everyone has felt that way at some point in their life. The sad thing is, some people feel that way more than others do. Some people just don't have a strong mind. A strong personality. A strong heart. I, Natasha Downs, am one of those people. Sometimes I think that I have such a big heart for others, that when it comes to taking care of myself, I just don't have it in me. I know that having a big heart for others is not a bad thing. Jesus had the biggest heart in the world for others. I just feel at times, that having a big heart for others makes it tough when I need to have a strong heart for myself. All that being said, I can honestly say, I have never once actually given up. No matter how much I've felt like it. As my youth minister told me, "It's not about the feelings anymore Natasha. It's about the facts." The inspiration for the title of this blog came to me a few weeks ago. My niece is a huge Shawn Mendes fan and I was looking him up to make sure she had my approval. After reading the lyrics to a song that he wrote, let's just say I approve 100%. God speaks to me through lyrics every single day. Sometimes, it's not a Christian song. Here are some of the lyrics to In My Blood by Shawn Mendes.
"Help me, it's like the walls are caving in.
Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't.
It isn't in my blood.
Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing.
I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something.
Keep telling me that it gets better, does it ever?
I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious.
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this.
I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh
is there somebody who could
Help me, it's like the walls are caving in.
Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't.
It isn't in my blood."
These particular words in this song really spoke to me. Why? Because it was exactly how I have been feeling over the past few months. There have been feelings of anxiety. Feelings of insecurity. Overwhelming feelings. There were times that I would ask Dustin if he was going to be home during lunch or even after work on time simply because I didn't want to be by myself. It felt like the whole world was saying to me, "It gets better.", not in so many words. Losing my job has really taken a toll on my heart. To say my heart is broken, is an understatement. However, my God is a God who heals. My God is the "somebody who could help me..." in this song. My God is the One who allowed me not to give up. This time, or any other time I have felt like it. How does He do that? One simple word. Faith. You've heard it said that faith can move mountains. Let me tell you something, it can. My faith has been stronger lately. Why? The heartbreak. The unknown. The uncertainty.
"You call me out upon the waters.
The great unknown, where feet may fail.
And there I find You in the mystery.
In oceans deep, my faith will stand.
And I will call upon Your name.
And keep my eyes above the waves.
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace.
For I am Yours and You are mine.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters.
Your sovereign hand, will be my guide.
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me.
You've never failed and You won't start now.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without boarders.
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
and my faith will be made stronger,
in the presence of my Savior.
I will call upon Your name.
Keep my eyes above the waves.
My soul will rest in Your embrace.
I am Yours and You are mine."
Some of the purest, most peaceful, lyrics I've ever heard in a song. This song has been my go to for the past week. It has the reminder of faith. Trust. Hope. Love. "But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13 No matter what comes my way, I know that God has got me. I know that He has a plan. And as I'm finally able to start the healing process, I couldn't be more thankful for the waves he wants me to ride. For it does one thing, makes my faith stronger. God has always been faithful. He's always been there. Always been my constant. There was another song that God spoke to me through about a week ago. It's what I like to call, a "conversation with God" song. It's by TobyMac. I'll write the lyrics in a way you can understand easily.
Me: Another heartbreak day. Feels like You're miles away.
Don't even need no shade, when your sun don't shine, shine.
Too many passin' dreams. Roll by like limousines.
It's hard to keep believin', when they pass you by and by.
God: I know your heart been broke again. I know your prayers ain't been answered yet.
I know you're feeling like you got nothing left, well lift your head, it ain't over yet, ain't over yet.
Move, keep walkin', soldier keep movin' on. Move, keep walkin' until the mornin' comes.
Move, keep walkin', soldier keep movin' on, and lift your head. It ain't over yet, ain't over yet.
I've had this conversation with God about a million and one times in my life. More so recently. I can't remember a time when I've felt this down. This angry. This heartbroken. This betrayed. However, as all of these songs have reminded me, God is on my side. No matter the mountain, God can move it. Which is why He wants me to keep movin' on. He has a reason for my heartbreak, and He will be there with me through the healing. I truly believe God made my heart into a giving heart. He gave it to me and told me to use it in every way possible. I feel like I have always done that. I always put others above myself. I always use my heart to show love to others, even the ones who are hard to love. I've used my heart through the words of all of my blogs, in hopes that it will reach someone. I give and give and give because it's in my nature. It's my gift. And no matter how much my heart gets broken in this life, I know that it will continue to give. Just like Larry Bird said, "if you give 100%, somehow things will work out in the end." God takes care of His faithful children. I plan to be God's girl until the day I stop breathing. I will continue to move on. I will continue to be amazed by Him and His unfailing love. I will continue to praise His name no matter how big the waves are He wants me to go through. Just like Seventh Day Slumber reminds us, He makes oceans from the rain.
"And I'm amazed by You. Cause You're never far away.
And all that I've been through, Your love has never changed.
And nothing I've acquired means anything at all.
Cause you're everything I needed. You're so much more than I deserve.
You make oceans from the rain. Breathing life into this place.
And I will drown inside your love. Until I see your perfect face."
Tomorrow, I have a very important job interview. I am praying that it's the one God wants me to have. If not, I know He still has bigger and better things out there for me. I'm tired of being sad, and I'm ready to be hopeful. I'm ready for my faith to be put to the strongest test of it's life. I'm ready to be the strong hearted Christian that God made me. No more negativity. Tonight, I was reading in our book for our small group bible study. I came across a passage that really spoke to me, and I'm going to leave you with that, and a quote from Dabo Swinney, who just won the NCAA football championship last night. "To God be the Glory!"
O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Turn and answer me, O lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "We have defeated him!" Don't let them rejoice at my downfall. But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me. Psalms 13:1-6
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