The Right Kind of Love

"Storms make trees take deeper roots." -Dolly Parton

January 9, 2019
The date of my interview in Frankfort at the Circuit Clerk's Office

January 30, 2019
The date of my last entry.

January 31, 2019
The date I received a phone call and set up an interview at the School.

February 4, 2019
The date of my interview at the School.

February 5, 2019
The date everything changed.

I remember getting the phone call. It was  a girl named Whitney, and she wanted to set up an interview with me at the Franklin County Circuit Clerk's Office. We set it up for January 9th at 1:30 pm. That date was going to be my second day without a job. I remember it was a cold day out and I had a horrible cough starting. I prayed hard about this job. I wasn't sure if it was the right one for me, I just knew that it would be familiar to me. It would be something I was used to. I prayed so hard because I didn't know if God wanted me to be in the same type of environment I had been in for the past 16 years. With the experience I had, I figured if I didn't get it, I wouldn't pursue anything like it again. I went to the interview and I had made a special playlist to listen to on the way. I felt good going into it. I was there for about 30 minutes and I thought it went well. However, I kept second guessing why I didn't mention this or that. I kept thinking "I should have said this for that question". They told me before I left that they would make a decision by the end of the next week. The whole next week came and went and I didn't hear a thing. I was upset. I was depressed. But I knew God was in control so I tried not to panic. About a week and a half later, I received a letter in the mail telling me that I didn't get the job. So, I moved on in my job search. Away from the court of justice.

The very next day, I received a phone call from Scott County Schools to set up an interview. I was really excited about this one. They set the interview up for February 4th at 11:40am. Again, I did the same routine. I prayed really hard and listened to a whole lot of music. I even had Dustin "fake interview" me the say before so I would be prepared to talk good about myself. I went to the interview and I presented the best version of me I ever have. Again, the interview lasted about 30 minutes and I left feeling really good about it. Again, she told me she would know by the end of the week. I felt really positive the whole time about this one. I kept thinking this was it. This was the one God wanted for me. I just knew it.

Fast forward literally 24 hours. I get a phone call. It was Franklin County Circuit Clerk, Amy Feldman. She was calling to..... what? Offer me a job? I was stunned by her phone call. So stunned that I can't even remember what exactly I said to her. So stunned that I decided to send her an email almost immediately after I talked to her. She told me that she had another opening and that she would let me know for sure once the position was approved if I was interested. The next 24 hours were dedicated to nothing but prayer and meditation for me. I didn't know when she would contact me, but I knew I needed to be ready. I also knew that I had another interview the next day so I had to be prepared for that as well. That next morning, I woke up and started to get ready for my interview. I got on my phone before getting in the shower, and I checked my email. Sure enough, there was an email to me from Amy. She was telling me that she had the position approved and gave me an amount of money that I would make. I started to freak out a little. I had an interview in less than two hours and I had this decision to make. Do I still go to the interview? Should I wait to hear from the school? Do I accept the position in Frankfort? I was so torn. I had no idea what to do.

I always listen to music when I'm in the shower, so I turned it on shuffle. I have a Jeremy Camp play list, so his was the one I picked. As I hit the shuffle button, I said out loud right before I stepped into the shower, "Come on Jeremy. Sing a song that's gonna speak to me." The first song that played was "I Know You're Calling" and here are some of the words:

"A broken image is sometimes what I see, but the hand that made me is the hand that won't leave me. You've begun a good work that only has begun, and You always lead me, lead me to Your Son. What I want to know everything You are. What I want to see Your will for me and I know You'll show me. Another day I can spend with You, You turn the pages telling me what to do. And when I feel like I want to fall again, You always lead me well You lead me to Your hand. And I know You're calling, I see Your arms stretched wide. And I feel You drawing, drawing me back again."

True story. If that wasn't my answer, I don't know how else He could've spelled it out to me. I got out of the shower and I responded to Amy's email and accepted the position. She responded and asked me to start on February 18, 2019. I was only without a job for about a month and a half. God was so good to me. Ironically enough, I went to see Jeremy Camp in concert the weekend after I got the job. I ended up meeting him afterwards. Another one of those God moments in my life. I got to meet my favorite male singer who's song played such a big part in me finding my place in life again. The quieter you become, the more you can hear. God wants nothing more than for us to seek Him and hear His voice. To find in Him that perfect love we all are longing for.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, I was given the opportunity to become a back up leader in our small group. So whenever the leader is gone, I lead the bible study that we do. I've been able to do that three times now, and I am really blessed by it. I've been able to tell stories and share God moments with people that I love. One of the things I usually focus on is being upset with God that my Dad had a stroke. Last week, Luke Perry passed away from a massive stroke. It wasn't until Luke died from a stroke that I finally came to full peace with God about my Dad having a stroke. God used something that He knew I would be effected by, to show me that He loves me perfectly and would never do anything to make me question Him. It took Luke Perry dying of a stroke, for God to get through to me that He didn't allow my dad to have a stroke, He protected Him from dying of one. That really made me start thinking of all the blessings in my life. I've been more thankful the past week. I've been more thankful in my prayers.

Monday night I went with my mom to see our favorite band, NEEDTOBREATHE. The lead singer told the story about when he wrote the song "Wasteland". He said that he wrote it and wasn't too sure about it. He played it for his brother and his brother put in some more words to make the song whole. Then he said "You know, you think you know what a song is about until people start telling you stories about how the song has touched them. Once you start talking to those people, that's when you realize, it wasn't you who wrote the song." Here are some of the lyrics.

"I'm the first one in line to die when the cavalry comes. Yeah it feels like the great divide has already come. Yeah I'm wasting my way through days, losing youth along the way. Oh, if God is on my side, who can be against me? There was a greatness I felt for a while, and somehow it changed. Some kind of blindness I use to protect me from all of my stains. Yeah I wish this was vertigo, it just feels like I'm falling slow. Oh, if God is on my side, who can be against me? All of these people I meet, it seems like they're fine. Yeah in some ways I hope that they're not, and their hearts are like mine. Yeah, it's wrong when it seems like work. To belong, all I feel is hurt. Oh, if God is on my side, who can be against me? Yeah, in this wasteland where I'm livin', there is a crack in the door filled with light. And it's all that I need to get by. Yeah, in this wasteland where I'm livin', there is a crack in the door filled with light, and it's all that I need to shine."

What is light to you? What's that thing that allows you to see? For me, it's easy. God's love. There is no other kind of love in life that's like His. In honor of Luke Perry, I'll use a 90210 reference to describe it. It's the right kind of love. No more, no less. Can you get to that point where His love is all you need? Can you get to the point where His love is what keeps you going? Can you get to that point where His love is your light? John 1:5 says, "The light shines in the darkness, and he darkness has not overcome it." Can you get to the point where YOU are the light? Can you get to the point where YOU can hear HIS voice? Get there. It's an amazing place to be.

"Your voice is all I'm craving." -Jeremy Camp