My Girl (Part 1)

 "She ain't my blood, ain't got my name, but if she did I'd feel the same. I wasn't there for her first steps, but I ain't missed a ball game yet. And that ain't never gonna change. I could never walk away. Yeah, she's my baby my whole world. She ain't my blood but she's my, she's my girl." -Elvie Shane

November 16, 2012-November 16, 2022

I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. I worked that day. I was nervous. I was excited. I prayed a lot. I prayed that you would like me. I prayed that we would hit it off quickly. I prayed that we would get along. I prayed that we would have a life long relationship. I prayed that one day you would love me. I prayed that one day you would be my Girl. I think I even prayed that one day I would be the banks for your river. Meeting you was one of the single best days of my entire life. I instantly fell in love with you. Some of my favorite things about you: your laugh, your smile, your loudness, your I don't care attitude, and your beauty. The way you love without trying. The way you always tell me you love me before you leave me. The way you hug me, even though you hate hugs. The way you still let me kiss your forehead whenever I want. The gift you gave me that I never would have had otherwise. The gift of a daughter. Not step. Not bonus. Just daughter. 

My heart is flooded with memories from our first years together. Going to UK games... basketball and football. Meeting Jarrod Polson together for the first time. In the pouring rain. I think that's the most excited I have ever seen you. The Softball field. Watching you hit. Watching you play second base. Watching you be the best one on the team. Going to Florida. The Zoo. The Pool. The Beach. Disney. The Beach. Almost having a wreck in the rain. The Beach. Your bathing suit incident. Singing "When I was your Man" over and over.  Watching our shows together. The Fosters. One Tree Hill. Secret Life of a Teenage Mom. High School Musical. Singing the songs from High School Musical. 

We had so much time to bond during the days of your Dad working 2nd shift. I am so thankful for those times and I think of them often. You always asked me if I needed help with Haylie or if I wanted you to do the dishes after dinner. You would take half of the list when we went to the grocery, and get the stuff on your list and bring it to the cart to save us time. You always helped me carry in the groceries when we got home, and always asked if I needed help putting them away. These will always be things I think of when I remember the early years. 

As you have grown, our relationship has grown as well. The love I have for you is a love I can never explain. It's a love that I never knew existed until we met. A few years ago, I heard a song for the first time. This song said exactly what I felt. The words that I wanted to say to you, but could never find. This song is my song for you. It's called Banks, by Needtobreathe. It basically says to you, that I will always be there no matter what you go through. And not only that I will be there, but that I want to be there. At the same time, I want you to still live your life the way you want, and I still want you to be yourself. I don't ever want to hold you back from anything you want to do. I don't ever want you to feel like you can't come to me for anything you are going though because that's what I'm here for. I want you to know that you are always enough. You are beautiful inside and out. You are always enough. You have a wonderful soul. You are always enough. Your smile and laugh can light up any room. You are always enough. I want to always hold you close, but I never want to hold you back from anything you want in life. I want to be the banks for your river. I only want you to be happy. I want you to feel like you are always enough. As you read the lyrics, please know all of this comes straight from my heart. 

Banks by Needtobreathe

I wanna be there when the voices in your head are loud enough to make you lose your mind. Just the same when you're dominating the day. I wanna be the one who's by your side. You know my love is not the jealous type. It doesn't matter if we win or lose. I could stay or I could come no matter where you're coming from. I can be the one to let you choose. You are beautiful and wild at every turn. Who am I to take control of that? But everybody needs a voice they can follow, when the water and the winds get bad. You know my love is not the jealous type. And it don't matter if we win or lose. I could push or I could pull, no matter what you're trying to do, as long as I can flow along with you. I ain't saying that you need my help, but you don't have to do it all by yourself. When the current gets strong and you need somewhere to rest your bones. I wanna be there for you. I wanna be strong for you. I wanna hold you close but never hold you back, just like the banks to the river. And if you ever feel like you are not enough, I'm gonna break all your mirrors. I wanna be there when the darkness closes in, to make the truth a little clearer. I wanna hold you close but never hold you back. I'll be the banks for your river.

On this day, and every other day of your life, I always want you to know that you are loved. I can't believe I have loved you for 10 years. It feels more like a lifetime. It always will. Thank you for always loving me as your friend and as your bonus mom. You light up my life in ways you'll never understand. This day will always be special to me. And to my heart. The day we met. The day I first heard you laugh. The day I fell in love with my oldest daughter. You'll always be my girl! I love you Hannah Renee! 

Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.