After The Rain

 "Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge." -Don Henley

In October of 1993, I began a new relationship. The most important relationship of my life. I was 13, and I had just had my heart broken for the first time. The day I met Jesus, I had no idea what the rest of my life would look like. I was a kid searching for my future. I immediately began going to youth group at my church. Youth group was, and remains a huge part of my Christian walk. My youth minister was one of my Christian mentors, and I still to this day remember things he said and things he taught me. Things I would always live by. Things like "Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are always going to like them." His grandmother used to say that. She also used to say "Just because someone is in your heart, don't mean they won't get in your hair." Things like this will never leave me. I've tried my best to always remember these statements. I had the same youth minister during all of my years of youth group. However, when I was a senior in high school, he and his family moved to a different church. To say I was heart broken is an understatement. He told me before he told the whole group, because of our history. We started out at a church in Lexington, then he left that church and went to one in Georgetown. So, I ended up going to the church in Georgetown. But now, he was headed a little farther away. I wouldn't be able to attend the church he moved to. The day he told me that he was leaving, I remember the feeling I had in my gut. I wanted to cry. I wanted to puke. I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. We were at a state youth convention when he told me, so I couldn't really do any of those things. The next day, we headed home in the church van. He had a new cassette tape he was playing, and it was an artist I was never that fond of. However, that day she spoke to me. It was a song called "Somewhere Down the Road" by Amy Grant. As the song played, I looked up at my youth minister in the rear view mirror. He smiled. As if to say, "I'll see you somewhere down the road." 

Those years of my youth shaped who I am today. When I look back on those years, I'm reminded of how much my relationship with God has been the stronghold in my life. No matter where I've been, or what I've been going through, He was the one true constant. He's always been faithful. There are two things in my life that get the credit of, "The hardest thing I've ever been through." One was my Dad's stroke. The second was the loss of my job. Which is the one I want to focus on a little bit. But, only a little bit. See, now I have healed from that. And that's what this story is about. In November of 2018 I lost my job due to an election outcome. I had been at the same job for 17 years. I was 21 when I started working there and I was 38 on my last day there. I had made lifelong friends at this job. Or, so I thought. Turns out I was wrong. And that was something I never thought I'd be wrong about. It was so hard to say goodbye to them on my last day. And even harder to say goodbye to them forever. It was a decision that I made after spending a lot of time praying about it. It took me a really long time to be content with it. Today, I can finally say, I've burned some bridges. Most of them make me a happier person. I remember the feeling I had in my gut. I wanted to cry. I wanted to puke. I wanted to punch a hole in the wall.

A month and a half after I lost my job, I started a new job. Kinda the same job, only in a different county. Two and a half years in, I was asked to be a Chief Deputy again. The same position I originally held at the office that I had left. I couldn't believe that this oppertunity arose. When the Clerk asked me, she wanted me to think about it. She knew what I had been through before, and wanted to make sure I knew for sure what I wanted to do. I prayed about it for one day. There wasn't a doubt in my mind. This is what I was meant to do. This was what I wanted. This was what God wanted. I accepted the position a little over a year ago. I'll forever be thankful for the Clerk for believing in me. The last year has helped me heal in more ways than I knew it could. God allowed all of this to happen to me, and He knew the outcome. He knew what I needed. He knew what my heart needed. On Monday of this week, that Clerk retired. She served 27 years and then some. There were happy tears for her. She will be missed for sure. 

Yesterday, the person I share Chief Deputy roles with took the test and was appointed as the new Circuit Clerk of Franklin County. She was sworn in yesterday afternoon. I'm really excited to start this new chapter with her. However, it didn't hit me until I was on my way home from work today, how truly happy I am. I usually listen to music on the way home from work, and I was listening to a playlist I made of 90's Christian music. I was almost home when the song came on. It was an artist I was never that fond of. It was a song called "Somewhere Down the Road" by Amy Grant. As I listened to the lyrics once again, it spoke to me in a much different way. I'm a true believer that things happen for a reason. I looked in the rear view mirror as the music played and I smiled. As if to say "THIS IS somewhere down the road." Here are the lyrics. 

"So much pain and no good reason why. You've cried until the tears run dry. And nothing here can make you understand. The one thing that you held so dear is slipping from your hands. And you say, why why why, does it go this way? Why why why? And all I can say is Somewhere down the road, there'll be answers to the questions. Somewhere down the road, though we may not see it now. Somewhere down the road, you will find mighty arms reaching for you. And they will hold the answers at the end of the road. Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all. I thought I'd climbed the highest wall. Now I see the learning never ends. And all I know to do is keep on walking. Walking round the bend, saying why why why, does it go this way? Why why why? And all I can say..." 

This is somewhere down the road. That moment when you realize that God had his hands all over the situation the whole time is something I can't explain to you. It's an overwhelming, wonderful, feel good feeling. It's an outpouring of tears of joy rolling down your face. Ten years ago, I met my husband. Ten years ago, we struggled. Almost 4 years ago when I lost my job, we struggled. But God was faithful. I can say now, we don't struggle. God has truly blessed us in our life and in our careers. I am thankful and will never take anything for granted that we've been given. I can honestly say, at this moment, I'm so thankful and even excited to go to work now. It's different where I am now. Different in so many good ways. Just remember, God can turn around any situation. Romans 8:28 Never be afraid of change. God is in control. 

"Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her!" Luke 1:45