1990
To: Future Husband
From: 10 Year Old Me
Hello future husband. I really hope your name is Donnie, just like Donnie Wahlberg. I hope that you like milk with ice in it and I hope that you enjoy spending all day with a tom boy. I even kinda have a boy haircut. My favorite things are: New Kids on the Block, and a new TV show called, Beverly Hills 90210. I guess your name could be Brandon too. I'd be happy either way. I love to wear bibbed overalls with one side not buckled, and I almost always wear a hat with some sort of sports team on it. Anyway, I love you and can't wait to meet you. Peace out.
1998
To: Future Husband
From: 18 Year Old Me
Dear Future Husband,
I hope that you are all I've ever dreamed of and more. I know that God has you sitting there just waiting for the perfect time to meet me. Right now, I am pretty focused. I am helping as a counselor with our youth group and I enjoy taking all kinds of trips. I guess I'm not ready to settle down anytime soon, so take your time finding me. I was supposed to go to college and get a degree in Broadcasting. I wanted to be a radio DJ so bad. However, I just felt like God wanted me to stay available and help with the youth group. It's where I am happiest right now. I hope you don't mind being with someone who doesn't have a college degree. I hope you enjoy being with someone who has a heart for the Lord above anything else. Anyway, I love you and can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Natasha
2006
To: Future Husband
From: 26 Year Old Me
Dear Future Husband,
Okay. You can show up at any time. I've done so many things that I've always wanted to do. I've traveled to places I never thought I would go. I've spent plenty of time doing these things without you, and now I'm just ready. I know that you are out there. God reminds me of that every single day. He also reminds me that I have to be patient. "Be patient, my child. For the man I have for you will be worth the wait." I have heard that so many times. It's hard to be patient when all you want to do is fall in love and start a family. Everyone wants that white picket fence with two or three kids running around playing football in the back yard. I'm longing for that day. I'll keep praying for you. Anyway, I love you and can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Natasha
2011
To: Future Husband
From: 31 Year Old Me
Dear Future Husband,
I've come to the conclusion that maybe God's plan for me is to not ever meet you. Maybe God wants me to be single. I know that there are certain ones that He calls to remain single, I was just hoping I wasn't one of them. It's hard, because I have so much love that I could give you. But, for some reason, one of us isn't ready. I'm tired of meeting people and thinking maybe they could be you, and being disappointed when I find out they aren't you. Where are you????? Why haven't you come for me????? I deserve my white horse!!! Frustration has set in now. I have to start praying a different prayer in hopes that you will arrive soon. I'm lonely without you. Anyway, I love you and can't wait to meet you.
Love,
Natasha
September 29, 2012
To: Future Husband
From: 32 Year Old Me
Dear Future Husband,
I can't tell you how much fun I had with you last night. I can't tell you how you made me feel. I can't tell you how on fire I felt when I left. The first look into your eyes, and I melted. I just know in my heart that you are my future husband. I have prayed and prayed for this day, and it has finally arrived. I don't want to rush anything, but I can't wait to see you again. And again. And again. I can't wait to fall in love with you over and over. And over. And over. You have taken care of my loneliness and all of my prayers have been answered. I love you!
Love,
Natasha
"I have found the one whom my soul loves." Song of Songs 3:4
Present Day
To: Dustin Shayne Downs
From: 36 Year Old Me
Dear Love of My Life,
Let me start by saying thank you. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being mine. You are my heart. I want you to know that I will always be here. I want you to know that I won't ever give up on you, on us, or on this marriage. When I said "I Do", I meant it for life. I might not always be easy to live with, but I promise to try my best. I promise to always think of you before I think of myself. At times, I may become selfish. But know that I will overcome it. In the words of Derek and Meredith, we need to, "Love each other even when we hate each other." I think that's a very important thing to remember in marriage. There are gonna be times when we don't like each other, but we have to always love each other no matter what the argument is about. We both know, we can only win if we are US. If I win, you lose. And if you win, I lose. The only way we can win is together.
I promise to try and overcome all of my insecurities. I know that it's hard for you loving someone who is insecure. I know it's hard for you to love someone who overthinks everything. I know it's hard for you to love someone who has mild anxiety and some attributes of OCD. I may not always be easy to like, but I hope that I can be the kind of wife that is always easy to love. I promise to give you every ounce of love that I have in my heart. I've had plenty of time to hold on to that love. It's time for it to release. Fully release. I promise to be the very best Step-Mom that I know how to be. I've never had kids, and I don't know a lot about being a Mom, but I sure know how to love and how to be there for them. I promise to always love them like they are my own children. I pray every day that I can always have this kind of relationship with both of them. They are a huge part of my heart and my life and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm so thankful that God handpicked you just for me. It makes sense now why I was wondering where you were in 2011. It was all worth the wait. You will always be worth the wait. My heart will always beat for only you. I took those vows to heart back in April, and now I vow to you to become a better wife with each new day. To love you more with each new sunrise. To always be happy to see you when I come home from work every day. To always long to kiss you when you leave, even if it is to split up in Wal-Mart to make things faster. To always meet you exactly in the middle of the Mens and Womens restroom when we both have to go. To always enjoy Fantasy Football together, even when you beat me. To always grow deeper through our daily devotion and weekly songs we pick. To always be in prayer for you, and with you.
A few weeks ago, I read that you should read the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and replace the word "Love" with your spouse's name. So this is what it would read for me. "Dustin is patient. Dustin is kind. Dustin is not jealous, or boastful, or proud, or rude. Dustin does not demand his own way. Dustin is not irritable and keeps no record of wrong. Dustin does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Dustin never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." This is one thousand percent you to a T! I'm so blessed by you and by your love for me. You protect me and you love me even when I'm unlovable. I can't thank you enough for that.
There are things that I don't tell you. Like how sometimes at night, I let you fall asleep first so that I can watch your eyes blink. You have the most beautiful eye lashes. Or how it makes me feel in the middle of the night when you put your arm around me and pull me closer to you. Sometimes I feel like I can't get close enough to you. Or how I still get butterflies in my stomach when you look at me from across the room and wink at me. Or how my heart skips a beat when your hand touches mine as you go to hold it as we walk. Or how much I appreciate that you always help me cook and you always help me clean. I just want you to know, that I could never make it through this crazy life without you. Without your support. Without your protection. Without your love. For me, you hung the moon. For me, you are it. And, you are mine. You will always be mine. No matter what happens, I will never run away. I promise you that.
I know that the family that prays together, stays together. I know that we will always be together as long as we keep God first in our lives. That's always been important for me, and I know it's important for you as well. I pray that our walks with God together can do amazing things. Just think of what we can do with two hearts who strive wholeheartedly after the one true God. Anyway, I love you and I can't wait to see you again.
Love,
The Love of Your Life
"What God brings together, let no man separate." Mark 10:9
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Monday, October 24, 2016
Dead Man Walking
What is the worst thing you have ever seen? Or better yet, what is the worst thing you've ever done? We can all honestly say that there are things we wish we hadn't seen and things we wish we had never done. I don't remember ever seeing anything that has caused me to feel this way, but anytime I see an ambulance, I get sick to my stomach. I feel like I must have seen something as a child that I don't remember that made me sick to my stomach that involved an ambulance. It's especially bad when I see a wreck on the highway. I can't even look in the area of the wreck or I feel like I could throw up. It's crazy how the things you see impact you for the rest of your life. The worst thing I've ever done? Well. I got a ticket for not wearing a life jacket once. But to me, hurting someone I love is far worse than that. When I see the hurt I've caused, it literally rips my heart to shreds.
My husband's new favorite show is called, Timeless. It's about a team who have been hired to keep history the way it was intended. There is a group of vigilantes who travel back in time and try to change history. This team keeps that from happening. It's not really my thing, but I listen to it as he watches it every week. We got into a conversation about time travel one night while watching the show. We started discussing what if we could go back to any point in time and change the way something happened in history. I said to him, "What if you could stop Jesus from dying on the cross?" And he said "We wouldn't be here if that didn't happen. He died for our sins." I've thought about that a lot since we had that conversation. So much so, that I started thinking about all the sins I've been forgiven for in my life. So much so, that I began thinking of Jesus's death on the cross on a daily basis. So much so, that the first time I heard this song, it's all I could do to not cry my eyes out.
It's called, "Forgiven" by Crowder.
"I'm the one who held the nail. It was cold between my fingertips.
I've hidden in the garden. I've denied You with my very lips.
God I fall down to my knees, with a hammer in my hand.
You look at me. Arms open.
Forgiven! Forgiven! Child there is freedom from all of it.
Say goodbye to every sin. You are forgiven!
I've done things I wish I hadn't done. I've seen things I wish I hadn't seen.
Just the thought of Your amazing grace. And I cry, 'Jesus, forgive me!'
God I fall down to my knees, with a hammer in my hand.
You look at me. Arms open.
I could've been six feet under. I could've been lost forever.
Yeah, I should be in that fire. But now there's fire inside of me.
Here I am a dead man walking. No grave gonna hold God's people.
All the weight of all our evil, lifted away forever free.
Who could believe, who could believe?
Forgiven! I'm forgiven! Jesus, Your blood makes me innocent.
So I will say goodbye to every sin. I am forgiven!"
In my line of work, I see a lot of people who are in jail. I see a lot of people who are broken. I've always had a heart for people who are in jail. Those in trouble. The ones who feel like they will never find a way out of a dark cell. I've always loved movies about prisoners. I've always been intrigued with true stories of real people who have died because of the mistakes they have made. I try not to get into politics because of one reason. I don't believe in the death penalty. I know a lot of people don't know that about me. The reason for that is, I'm really too passionate about it to even discuss my feelings on it. But, I'm going to attempt to help you understand my reasoning on it.
Dead man walking. Have you ever had nothing but time to think about what you did to hurt someone? To hurt someone's family? Have you ever felt that tugging in your heart to know that you have no other hope but to trust that there is a God who will save you? I mean, when you get down to it, aren't we all just a dead man walking in a sense? Do me a favor, and read the lyrics to the above song one more time. Now, here is my thing. If God says that we are forgiven and His blood makes us innocent, how can we be for the death penalty? I'm not saying that someone shouldn't have to pay for the crimes they have committed by any means, but I'm just saying that I just can't wish death on another person. There is a verse that gets taken out of context by society all the time. It's found in Matthew chapter 5.
"You have heard it said, 'Eye for an Eye, and tooth for tooth.'" That's where most people stop reading. However, it goes on to say, "But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." Then, just 4 verses later, this. "You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your father in heaven."
For me, that speaks to heart and says that we just can't repay evil with evil. The truth of the matter is, we are all dead men walking. We may not know our exact day and time of our death. We may not get to pick the last meal we will ever put into our body. We probably don't ever walk with shackles on our hands and feet. But we have all been in that spot. The spot where we thought we would never make it out alive. We've all been in our own dark cell looking for light. Looking for God. Tim Tebow told a story about when he went to visit prisoners who were on suicide watch and was looking to witness to them. There were 4 cells in all, and he was unsuccessful in the first 2 that he went to. The 3rd cell, there was a young man who was not only in for murder, but he had also just killed another inmate a few days prior. Tim walked up to the glass and the man slowly came to him and he looked Tim right in the face and said "You're a Christian, aren't you?" and he said, "Yes sir, I am." The young man went on to tell him that minutes before he came to his cell, he had been arguing with God and he told God, "If you are real, show yourself to me." Then, Tim showed up.
No matter what you are going through in life, there is hope. You may feel like you are getting ready to be six feet under, but there is life. You may feel like you are the one who held the hammer and put the nails in Jesus's body, but He is there. With His arms wide open. For you. For me. For every sinner in the world. For every one of us who have been dead men walking. You can be free. You can leave it all in the hands that were wounded for you. He's here. Arms open.
My husband's new favorite show is called, Timeless. It's about a team who have been hired to keep history the way it was intended. There is a group of vigilantes who travel back in time and try to change history. This team keeps that from happening. It's not really my thing, but I listen to it as he watches it every week. We got into a conversation about time travel one night while watching the show. We started discussing what if we could go back to any point in time and change the way something happened in history. I said to him, "What if you could stop Jesus from dying on the cross?" And he said "We wouldn't be here if that didn't happen. He died for our sins." I've thought about that a lot since we had that conversation. So much so, that I started thinking about all the sins I've been forgiven for in my life. So much so, that I began thinking of Jesus's death on the cross on a daily basis. So much so, that the first time I heard this song, it's all I could do to not cry my eyes out.
It's called, "Forgiven" by Crowder.
"I'm the one who held the nail. It was cold between my fingertips.
I've hidden in the garden. I've denied You with my very lips.
God I fall down to my knees, with a hammer in my hand.
You look at me. Arms open.
Forgiven! Forgiven! Child there is freedom from all of it.
Say goodbye to every sin. You are forgiven!
I've done things I wish I hadn't done. I've seen things I wish I hadn't seen.
Just the thought of Your amazing grace. And I cry, 'Jesus, forgive me!'
God I fall down to my knees, with a hammer in my hand.
You look at me. Arms open.
I could've been six feet under. I could've been lost forever.
Yeah, I should be in that fire. But now there's fire inside of me.
Here I am a dead man walking. No grave gonna hold God's people.
All the weight of all our evil, lifted away forever free.
Who could believe, who could believe?
Forgiven! I'm forgiven! Jesus, Your blood makes me innocent.
So I will say goodbye to every sin. I am forgiven!"
In my line of work, I see a lot of people who are in jail. I see a lot of people who are broken. I've always had a heart for people who are in jail. Those in trouble. The ones who feel like they will never find a way out of a dark cell. I've always loved movies about prisoners. I've always been intrigued with true stories of real people who have died because of the mistakes they have made. I try not to get into politics because of one reason. I don't believe in the death penalty. I know a lot of people don't know that about me. The reason for that is, I'm really too passionate about it to even discuss my feelings on it. But, I'm going to attempt to help you understand my reasoning on it.
Dead man walking. Have you ever had nothing but time to think about what you did to hurt someone? To hurt someone's family? Have you ever felt that tugging in your heart to know that you have no other hope but to trust that there is a God who will save you? I mean, when you get down to it, aren't we all just a dead man walking in a sense? Do me a favor, and read the lyrics to the above song one more time. Now, here is my thing. If God says that we are forgiven and His blood makes us innocent, how can we be for the death penalty? I'm not saying that someone shouldn't have to pay for the crimes they have committed by any means, but I'm just saying that I just can't wish death on another person. There is a verse that gets taken out of context by society all the time. It's found in Matthew chapter 5.
"You have heard it said, 'Eye for an Eye, and tooth for tooth.'" That's where most people stop reading. However, it goes on to say, "But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." Then, just 4 verses later, this. "You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your father in heaven."
For me, that speaks to heart and says that we just can't repay evil with evil. The truth of the matter is, we are all dead men walking. We may not know our exact day and time of our death. We may not get to pick the last meal we will ever put into our body. We probably don't ever walk with shackles on our hands and feet. But we have all been in that spot. The spot where we thought we would never make it out alive. We've all been in our own dark cell looking for light. Looking for God. Tim Tebow told a story about when he went to visit prisoners who were on suicide watch and was looking to witness to them. There were 4 cells in all, and he was unsuccessful in the first 2 that he went to. The 3rd cell, there was a young man who was not only in for murder, but he had also just killed another inmate a few days prior. Tim walked up to the glass and the man slowly came to him and he looked Tim right in the face and said "You're a Christian, aren't you?" and he said, "Yes sir, I am." The young man went on to tell him that minutes before he came to his cell, he had been arguing with God and he told God, "If you are real, show yourself to me." Then, Tim showed up.
No matter what you are going through in life, there is hope. You may feel like you are getting ready to be six feet under, but there is life. You may feel like you are the one who held the hammer and put the nails in Jesus's body, but He is there. With His arms wide open. For you. For me. For every sinner in the world. For every one of us who have been dead men walking. You can be free. You can leave it all in the hands that were wounded for you. He's here. Arms open.
Thursday, September 8, 2016
I Still Believe.
"Pick up your guitar. I have something for you to write." Those were the words that Jeremy Camp heard his Heavenly Father say to him when he was at his lowest point of a broken heart. I don't know if you know who Jeremy Camp is or not, but he is one of my favorite Christian artists and has been since his first CD was released in 2002. He wrote a book in 2013 that is titled after the song that made him famous, I still believe. I didn't know that he had written a book until a few months ago, and then, my Mom got it for me for my Birthday 3 weeks ago. I have now finished the book, and I feel renewed. I feel more complete inside. This book has made me want to live differently. It made me want to be a bigger and better Christian. I'm gonna attempt to tell you his story. Rather, the things that touched me most about his story. The things that made me want to change. The things that taught me that there is no reason why I'm not living in the way I need to be. So here goes. His story of heartbreak and healing. My story of strength and renewal.
Heartbreak and Healing
Jeremy Camp grew up in a Christian home, but he also grew up in a poor home. They never had a lot of money for anything. When Jeremy was a junior in high school, he made a life altering decision. He chose to go to a private Christian school rather than to play as the starting running back on his public school's football team. The school had a tuition, and Jeremy called the school before attending and asked if it was possible for him to work at the school instead of paying the tuition since his family couldn't afford it. The school allowed him to do that. Jeremy had a hard time not playing football, but he knew it was God's will for him to switch schools. He listened to God instead of doing what he wanted to. It was during that year that Jeremy focused more on music and formed his first band with some of his friends. For his senior year, Jeremy decided to go back to public school and play football. However, since he had been out the year before, the coach said he would have to prove himself and he wasn't the starting running back. He finished his senior year early, and graduated at Christmas. He was able to get a job and work before figuring out where to attend college. He had two choices. He could go to Purdue and play football, or he could go to Calvary Chapel Bible College in California.
One night, as he wrestled about what he was supposed to do, Jeremy had a dream. In the dream, he walked into a room where his mom was on the phone. She hung up and he asked her who she had been talking to. His mom answered, "It was Satan. Do you have his number?" He answered her that he did and then he awoke in a cold sweat. He said that he felt like that was God's answer. That he had Satan's number because he still hadn't cut off all ties with him. He followed God's will and went to the Bible college. He spent a lot of time with God during his college years. He led worship at the chapel services, however, he had to borrow someone's guitar. Remember, his family didn't have a lot of money. At one point, he watched a college football game on TV. The running back was the guy who was supposed to be his backup his junior year had he went to the public school. But he continued on, knowing that God had a plan especially for him. After he graduated college, he worked to pay off college loans. Then, he went home for Christmas. He noticed a present that was much larger than all the others under the tree. He asked his parents who's it was since it was his turn to pass out all packages. They told him that it was for him. It was a Taylor guitar that cost somewhere around $2,000 dollars. He said that tears filled his eyes, and the thought came over him, "Lord, whatever you want. Not my plans, but yours. Here I am."
He went back to California and started going to a bible study with a friend of his. That's where he met the love of his life, Melissa. It was a long process, but finally they fell in love. But then, something unexpected happened. Melissa had cancer. They were able to remove it, never to come back. Right? Wrong. While she was still in the hospital bed, Jeremy proposed and she had accepted. They set the date pretty quickly because neither of them wanted a long engagement. They went on their honeymoon in Hawaii and it was there that Jeremy started realizing that Melissa's situation could take a toll on him as her husband. He was alone at one point, thinking about everything when this scripture came to him, "We walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7 and he felt God saying, "Just continue to trust me, I know what I'm doing." Jeremy picked up his guitar and wrote the lyrics to "Walk By Faith" while on his honeymoon.
"Well, I will walk by faith. Even when I cannot see. Well because this broken road, prepares your will for me. Well, I'm broken, but I still see your face. Well, you've spoken, pouring your words of grace."
After they returned home, Melissa went back to the doctor because she had been having pain in her stomach. They found out that she had cancer all over her body. Melissa's last days were spent with close family and friends, mostly in the hospital. She often asked Jeremy to get his guitar out and play worship songs and she would sing and praise the Lord with all the strength she had left. At one point, she told her husband, "If I were to die from this cancer and just one person accepted Jesus because of it, it would all be worth it." Well, that's exactly what happened. Melissa's nurse had been watching her and noticed her praying and praising God and realized that something was missing in her own life. Melissa had been praying with the nurse and her dad also prayed with the nurse and she asked Jesus to come into her heart and become her Lord and Savior. Melissa cried at learning that the purpose in her suffering had been accomplished. Melissa died after being married for only 3 and a half months.
For about two weeks after her death, Jeremy didn't play any music. In fact, he didn't do much of anything besides mourn the death of his wife. He felt alone in so many ways. He knew Melissa was gone, and it felt like God was gone too. God's will for him had become a fog. He didn't know if God could hear him. If God was even there. But one day, while at his parent's house, he heard Him. "Pick up your guitar." The last thing he wanted to do was play his guitar. He heard Him again, "Pick up your guitar, I have something for you to write." The lyrics to "I Still Believe" came to him and it was completely written in ten minutes.
"Scattered words and empty thoughts, seem to pour from my heart.
I've never felt so torn before, Seems I don't know where to start.
But it's now that I feel your grace fall like rain,
From every fingertip, washing away my pain.
Though the questions still fog up my mind, with promises I still seem to bear.
Even when answers slowly unwind, it's my heart I see you prepare.
But it's now that I feel your grace fall like rain,
From every fingertip, washing away my pain.
I still believe in your faithfulness. I still believe in your truth.
I still believe in your holy word. Even when I don't see, I still believe."
I would still consider this song to be his biggest hit. It was the song that introduced the world to Jeremy Camp. It was the song that introduced me to Jeremy Camp. His book goes on to tell you how many thousands of people he reached by telling his story. How many lives were saved because of his wife, her faithfulness and her passing. Remember what she said? "...if just one person..." And there are thousands. Probably millions or billions by now. Now, when I hear this song, I'll think of Melissa. I'll think of her faithfulness. Her inspiration to me. Because of Melissa, I can move on to the second part of this post.
Strength and Renewal
What are you good at? Do you have any talents? How did you get good at what you are good at? I like to think I'm a good writer. People tell me that I am, and I enjoy it. However, sometimes I don't feel like I'm good at it. I guess that's probably the case with anyone. You sort of become a perfectionist at what you are good at. I will say, every single time I write a blog, I do it to reach someone. I do it to speak to someone's heart. I do it for the same reason that Jeremy Camp writes and sings songs. It's my testimony. It's my heart. However, I realized after reading this book, that I'm just not as faithful as I should be. Or, is it, as I could be? I'm not sure. Either way, I'm not near as faithful as I need to be or want to be. There. That's what I was trying to say. My weak points come when bad things happen. I never stop and say "I should pray about this." when in fact, that's exactly what I need to do. I go into shut down mode. I don't know who said it, but I love it. "Sometimes we are taken into troubled waters not to drown but to be cleansed." We never think about that at the time, but truer words have never been spoken.
Why does it seem like it's so hard to love people? That's another struggle I have. I get upset really quickly and then I feel guilty about my reaction. I never stop and think, "I should just pray about this." Or, "I should pray for them.". WHY? WHY NOT? God designed us to be loving Christians. He created me to love others. I feel like I really do a good job of putting other people first. It's hard, and I probably don't ALWAYS do it, but I try my very best to. I saw a post on facebook. Again, I don't know where it came from other than facebook. There is a sentence at the top of the post that has an X over it that says, "don't cross oceans for people who wouldn't cross a puddle for you." Then underneath it, this: "No. Do it. Do cross oceans for people. Love People, all people. No conditions attached, no wondering whether or not they are worthy. Cross oceans, climb mountians. Life and love isn't about what you gain, it's about what you give." AMEN! You get what you give. So, it seems pretty simple, right? Just GIVE. Give Love. Give Hope. What's the easiest thing to give someone? Love. Prayers. Encouragement.
As you know if you read my last blog, my heart is beating right again. Partly because of that miracle that God gave me, but partly because of this book. I feel stronger in my faith. I feel stronger in my walk with the Lord. I feel renewed. I felt like I fought for so long. But, I've heard that God will put a Goliath in your life for you to find the David within you. God is always looking out for us. Right now, in front of the whole world, I want to make a vow. A vow to you, my readers. A vow to myself. A vow to my God. I want to vow to be a much better person. A more loving person. I vow to be a better wife. I vow to be a better step-mom to my girls. I vow to be a better daughter to my parents. I vow to be a better sister. I vow to be a better friend. I vow to be a better Christian. I long to be the best Christian that I can be. I want that. I need that. I want God to be proud of His girl. I vow to pray. I vow to love. I vow to be faithful. I vow to go to my Father when I need strength and renewal. Even when I don't feel like it. My youth minister told me one time, "Natasha, it's not about the feelings anymore, it's about the facts." I'm big on feelings. I'm big on saying, "I just don't feel like doing that." Sometimes, I don't feel like praying. The old me wouldn't have prayed. I vow to pray even when I don't feel like it. I need to be held accountable though. If you think about me at any point during your day, pray for me. Pray that I can always understand the importance of obedience over feelings. I will leave you with a quote from Jeremy's book that really hit me hard. In the meantime, don't forget.... I still believe.
"It was odd but there were two contrasting trends at work. On one hand, I would find myself telling God before a service, 'Lord, I don't feel like worshiping you today. I don't feel like saying I STILL BELIEVE.' I knew the words were true but they didn't feel true. But on the other hand, even though at times I felt like a reluctant participant, I could feel God's presence as I sang, and there was a greater impact on audiences than I could have anticipated. I could see and feel that God was moving and I knew it had nothing to do with me, because only a few minutes earlier I had been telling God I didn't want to sing that song. Again, I learned a valuable lesson about the importance of obedience over feelings."
Heartbreak and Healing
Jeremy Camp grew up in a Christian home, but he also grew up in a poor home. They never had a lot of money for anything. When Jeremy was a junior in high school, he made a life altering decision. He chose to go to a private Christian school rather than to play as the starting running back on his public school's football team. The school had a tuition, and Jeremy called the school before attending and asked if it was possible for him to work at the school instead of paying the tuition since his family couldn't afford it. The school allowed him to do that. Jeremy had a hard time not playing football, but he knew it was God's will for him to switch schools. He listened to God instead of doing what he wanted to. It was during that year that Jeremy focused more on music and formed his first band with some of his friends. For his senior year, Jeremy decided to go back to public school and play football. However, since he had been out the year before, the coach said he would have to prove himself and he wasn't the starting running back. He finished his senior year early, and graduated at Christmas. He was able to get a job and work before figuring out where to attend college. He had two choices. He could go to Purdue and play football, or he could go to Calvary Chapel Bible College in California.
One night, as he wrestled about what he was supposed to do, Jeremy had a dream. In the dream, he walked into a room where his mom was on the phone. She hung up and he asked her who she had been talking to. His mom answered, "It was Satan. Do you have his number?" He answered her that he did and then he awoke in a cold sweat. He said that he felt like that was God's answer. That he had Satan's number because he still hadn't cut off all ties with him. He followed God's will and went to the Bible college. He spent a lot of time with God during his college years. He led worship at the chapel services, however, he had to borrow someone's guitar. Remember, his family didn't have a lot of money. At one point, he watched a college football game on TV. The running back was the guy who was supposed to be his backup his junior year had he went to the public school. But he continued on, knowing that God had a plan especially for him. After he graduated college, he worked to pay off college loans. Then, he went home for Christmas. He noticed a present that was much larger than all the others under the tree. He asked his parents who's it was since it was his turn to pass out all packages. They told him that it was for him. It was a Taylor guitar that cost somewhere around $2,000 dollars. He said that tears filled his eyes, and the thought came over him, "Lord, whatever you want. Not my plans, but yours. Here I am."
He went back to California and started going to a bible study with a friend of his. That's where he met the love of his life, Melissa. It was a long process, but finally they fell in love. But then, something unexpected happened. Melissa had cancer. They were able to remove it, never to come back. Right? Wrong. While she was still in the hospital bed, Jeremy proposed and she had accepted. They set the date pretty quickly because neither of them wanted a long engagement. They went on their honeymoon in Hawaii and it was there that Jeremy started realizing that Melissa's situation could take a toll on him as her husband. He was alone at one point, thinking about everything when this scripture came to him, "We walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7 and he felt God saying, "Just continue to trust me, I know what I'm doing." Jeremy picked up his guitar and wrote the lyrics to "Walk By Faith" while on his honeymoon.
"Well, I will walk by faith. Even when I cannot see. Well because this broken road, prepares your will for me. Well, I'm broken, but I still see your face. Well, you've spoken, pouring your words of grace."
After they returned home, Melissa went back to the doctor because she had been having pain in her stomach. They found out that she had cancer all over her body. Melissa's last days were spent with close family and friends, mostly in the hospital. She often asked Jeremy to get his guitar out and play worship songs and she would sing and praise the Lord with all the strength she had left. At one point, she told her husband, "If I were to die from this cancer and just one person accepted Jesus because of it, it would all be worth it." Well, that's exactly what happened. Melissa's nurse had been watching her and noticed her praying and praising God and realized that something was missing in her own life. Melissa had been praying with the nurse and her dad also prayed with the nurse and she asked Jesus to come into her heart and become her Lord and Savior. Melissa cried at learning that the purpose in her suffering had been accomplished. Melissa died after being married for only 3 and a half months.
For about two weeks after her death, Jeremy didn't play any music. In fact, he didn't do much of anything besides mourn the death of his wife. He felt alone in so many ways. He knew Melissa was gone, and it felt like God was gone too. God's will for him had become a fog. He didn't know if God could hear him. If God was even there. But one day, while at his parent's house, he heard Him. "Pick up your guitar." The last thing he wanted to do was play his guitar. He heard Him again, "Pick up your guitar, I have something for you to write." The lyrics to "I Still Believe" came to him and it was completely written in ten minutes.
"Scattered words and empty thoughts, seem to pour from my heart.
I've never felt so torn before, Seems I don't know where to start.
But it's now that I feel your grace fall like rain,
From every fingertip, washing away my pain.
Though the questions still fog up my mind, with promises I still seem to bear.
Even when answers slowly unwind, it's my heart I see you prepare.
But it's now that I feel your grace fall like rain,
From every fingertip, washing away my pain.
I still believe in your faithfulness. I still believe in your truth.
I still believe in your holy word. Even when I don't see, I still believe."
I would still consider this song to be his biggest hit. It was the song that introduced the world to Jeremy Camp. It was the song that introduced me to Jeremy Camp. His book goes on to tell you how many thousands of people he reached by telling his story. How many lives were saved because of his wife, her faithfulness and her passing. Remember what she said? "...if just one person..." And there are thousands. Probably millions or billions by now. Now, when I hear this song, I'll think of Melissa. I'll think of her faithfulness. Her inspiration to me. Because of Melissa, I can move on to the second part of this post.
Strength and Renewal
What are you good at? Do you have any talents? How did you get good at what you are good at? I like to think I'm a good writer. People tell me that I am, and I enjoy it. However, sometimes I don't feel like I'm good at it. I guess that's probably the case with anyone. You sort of become a perfectionist at what you are good at. I will say, every single time I write a blog, I do it to reach someone. I do it to speak to someone's heart. I do it for the same reason that Jeremy Camp writes and sings songs. It's my testimony. It's my heart. However, I realized after reading this book, that I'm just not as faithful as I should be. Or, is it, as I could be? I'm not sure. Either way, I'm not near as faithful as I need to be or want to be. There. That's what I was trying to say. My weak points come when bad things happen. I never stop and say "I should pray about this." when in fact, that's exactly what I need to do. I go into shut down mode. I don't know who said it, but I love it. "Sometimes we are taken into troubled waters not to drown but to be cleansed." We never think about that at the time, but truer words have never been spoken.
Why does it seem like it's so hard to love people? That's another struggle I have. I get upset really quickly and then I feel guilty about my reaction. I never stop and think, "I should just pray about this." Or, "I should pray for them.". WHY? WHY NOT? God designed us to be loving Christians. He created me to love others. I feel like I really do a good job of putting other people first. It's hard, and I probably don't ALWAYS do it, but I try my very best to. I saw a post on facebook. Again, I don't know where it came from other than facebook. There is a sentence at the top of the post that has an X over it that says, "don't cross oceans for people who wouldn't cross a puddle for you." Then underneath it, this: "No. Do it. Do cross oceans for people. Love People, all people. No conditions attached, no wondering whether or not they are worthy. Cross oceans, climb mountians. Life and love isn't about what you gain, it's about what you give." AMEN! You get what you give. So, it seems pretty simple, right? Just GIVE. Give Love. Give Hope. What's the easiest thing to give someone? Love. Prayers. Encouragement.
As you know if you read my last blog, my heart is beating right again. Partly because of that miracle that God gave me, but partly because of this book. I feel stronger in my faith. I feel stronger in my walk with the Lord. I feel renewed. I felt like I fought for so long. But, I've heard that God will put a Goliath in your life for you to find the David within you. God is always looking out for us. Right now, in front of the whole world, I want to make a vow. A vow to you, my readers. A vow to myself. A vow to my God. I want to vow to be a much better person. A more loving person. I vow to be a better wife. I vow to be a better step-mom to my girls. I vow to be a better daughter to my parents. I vow to be a better sister. I vow to be a better friend. I vow to be a better Christian. I long to be the best Christian that I can be. I want that. I need that. I want God to be proud of His girl. I vow to pray. I vow to love. I vow to be faithful. I vow to go to my Father when I need strength and renewal. Even when I don't feel like it. My youth minister told me one time, "Natasha, it's not about the feelings anymore, it's about the facts." I'm big on feelings. I'm big on saying, "I just don't feel like doing that." Sometimes, I don't feel like praying. The old me wouldn't have prayed. I vow to pray even when I don't feel like it. I need to be held accountable though. If you think about me at any point during your day, pray for me. Pray that I can always understand the importance of obedience over feelings. I will leave you with a quote from Jeremy's book that really hit me hard. In the meantime, don't forget.... I still believe.
"It was odd but there were two contrasting trends at work. On one hand, I would find myself telling God before a service, 'Lord, I don't feel like worshiping you today. I don't feel like saying I STILL BELIEVE.' I knew the words were true but they didn't feel true. But on the other hand, even though at times I felt like a reluctant participant, I could feel God's presence as I sang, and there was a greater impact on audiences than I could have anticipated. I could see and feel that God was moving and I knew it had nothing to do with me, because only a few minutes earlier I had been telling God I didn't want to sing that song. Again, I learned a valuable lesson about the importance of obedience over feelings."
Sunday, August 21, 2016
"A Little Bit Longer, and I'll Be Fine."
"Even miracles take a little time." -The Fairy Godmother
Have you ever prayed for the same thing over and over and felt like you never got an answer? Have you ever questioned why God won't answer you? Have the unanswered prayers caused doubt in your relationship with God? Has the doubt in your relationship allowed the devil to have a stronger foothold? Let me answer all of these questions for you. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We have all been there. Sometimes more than we would want to admit. The real question is, how do we get back to where we were prior to the unanswered prayer that started the doubt in the first place? For me, it is almost always through song lyrics. Almost a week ago, I heard a song for the first time. I downloaded the song, and have heard it probably 100 times in 6 days. I instantly fell in love with it. This song brought my heart back to life. It took over the doubt. It reminded me that God is still there. God is always there. And no matter what His answers to our prayers may be, He is always a chain breaker. Which just happens to be the name of the song I heard by Zach Williams.
"If you've been walking the same old road for miles and miles.
If you've been hearing the same old voice tell the same old lies.
If you're trying to fill the same old holes inside.
There's a better life. There's a better life.
If you've got pain, He's a pain taker.
If you feel lost, He's a way maker.
If you need freedom, or saving, He's a prison shaking Savior.
If you've got chains, He's a chain breaker.
We've all searched for light of day in the dead of night.
We've all found ourselves worn out from the same old fight.
We've all run to things we know just ain't right.
And there's a better life. There's a better life.
If you believe it.
If you receive it.
If you can feel it.
Somebody testify."
I turned a year older this past Thursday, and for whatever reason, no matter how old I am, I still have trouble with letting lose of my chains. Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. What we have to remember, God allows things to happen to us for a reason. We don't know His reasons right away, and sometimes never. I'm living proof that He always makes us stronger through any battle we go through. Today, my heart is happier than it has been in a long time. Last night, a miracle happened. An answered prayer happened. Last night, I felt like I fell in love all over again. Last night, all of my doubts were removed. Last night, the devil was defeated.
"Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come." Jeremiah 33:3
Why is it so easy to lose faith? Why is it so easy to give in to the enemy? Especially when we read verses like that? All we have to do is ask. All we have to do is talk to Him. We have to believe that He will do what we ask. Don't feel selfish in your prayers. Ask Him for what you need. Talk to Him. Seek Him. Love Him. Believe He will answer you in His time. I've prayed the same prayer for over a year, and last night, that prayer was answered. Did doubt set in? Yes. Did I give the devil a strong foothold in my heart? Yes. But, once I was willing to let go and let God take care of it, He did.
John 14:14 says, "Ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"
Forgiveness is a very powerful thing. There are things that we need to forgive that we may not even know about. I think that comes with letting go of whatever chains you are dealing with. Once forgiveness comes, the chains are instantly broken. Sometimes, you need to forgive yourself. That's a lot of my problem. I always take the blame when something happens. I'm hard on myself. I kick myself when I'm down. I've always been that way. The hardest person for me to forgive is myself. Last night, I did that. Last night, my heart began to beat in a way it hasn't in a very long time. "Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'may you be lifted up and thrown into the sea' and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too." Mark 11:22-26
Have you found yourself worn out from the same old fight? I really feel like God speaks to us in mysterious ways. I received a picture on my wall for my birthday on Thursday and I read much deeper into than what it actually said. It was a picture of New Kids on the Block and it said:' Happy Birthday Natasha! Keep Hanging Tough!' Wait, what? KEEP HANGING TOUGH. Just a little bit longer. It was as if God was telling me that healing was right around the corner. I had no idea what He had in store for my family. Then, I saw another picture on facebook with a bible verse on it that a friend had shared. "God will use the very thing that was meant to destroy you to deliver you." 1 Samuel 17:1 Wow. All of that in the span of a few days. Even with the miracle that my family experienced last night, there are other needs. There are always needs. There always will be. My plan is to believe. Believe that I can ask God to do something specific and know that He will do it. Do you need freedom? Do you need saving? He IS a prison shaking Savior. Do you believe it? Have you received it? Can you feel it? Somebody testify.
I read something else this week that I want to leave you with.
"While praying one day a woman asked, 'Who are you, God?'
He answered. 'I Am.'
'But who is, I Am?' she asked.
He replied. 'I Am Love. I Am Peace. I Am Grace. I Am Joy. I Am Strength. I Am Power. I Am The Creator. I Am The Comforter. I Am The Truth and The Light.'
With tears in her eyes, she looked toward heaven and said, 'Now I understand. But who am I?'
God tenderly wiped the tears from her eyes and whispered, 'You are Mine.'"
Have you ever prayed for the same thing over and over and felt like you never got an answer? Have you ever questioned why God won't answer you? Have the unanswered prayers caused doubt in your relationship with God? Has the doubt in your relationship allowed the devil to have a stronger foothold? Let me answer all of these questions for you. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We have all been there. Sometimes more than we would want to admit. The real question is, how do we get back to where we were prior to the unanswered prayer that started the doubt in the first place? For me, it is almost always through song lyrics. Almost a week ago, I heard a song for the first time. I downloaded the song, and have heard it probably 100 times in 6 days. I instantly fell in love with it. This song brought my heart back to life. It took over the doubt. It reminded me that God is still there. God is always there. And no matter what His answers to our prayers may be, He is always a chain breaker. Which just happens to be the name of the song I heard by Zach Williams.
"If you've been walking the same old road for miles and miles.
If you've been hearing the same old voice tell the same old lies.
If you're trying to fill the same old holes inside.
There's a better life. There's a better life.
If you've got pain, He's a pain taker.
If you feel lost, He's a way maker.
If you need freedom, or saving, He's a prison shaking Savior.
If you've got chains, He's a chain breaker.
We've all searched for light of day in the dead of night.
We've all found ourselves worn out from the same old fight.
We've all run to things we know just ain't right.
And there's a better life. There's a better life.
If you believe it.
If you receive it.
If you can feel it.
Somebody testify."
I turned a year older this past Thursday, and for whatever reason, no matter how old I am, I still have trouble with letting lose of my chains. Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. What we have to remember, God allows things to happen to us for a reason. We don't know His reasons right away, and sometimes never. I'm living proof that He always makes us stronger through any battle we go through. Today, my heart is happier than it has been in a long time. Last night, a miracle happened. An answered prayer happened. Last night, I felt like I fell in love all over again. Last night, all of my doubts were removed. Last night, the devil was defeated.
"Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come." Jeremiah 33:3
Why is it so easy to lose faith? Why is it so easy to give in to the enemy? Especially when we read verses like that? All we have to do is ask. All we have to do is talk to Him. We have to believe that He will do what we ask. Don't feel selfish in your prayers. Ask Him for what you need. Talk to Him. Seek Him. Love Him. Believe He will answer you in His time. I've prayed the same prayer for over a year, and last night, that prayer was answered. Did doubt set in? Yes. Did I give the devil a strong foothold in my heart? Yes. But, once I was willing to let go and let God take care of it, He did.
John 14:14 says, "Ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"
Forgiveness is a very powerful thing. There are things that we need to forgive that we may not even know about. I think that comes with letting go of whatever chains you are dealing with. Once forgiveness comes, the chains are instantly broken. Sometimes, you need to forgive yourself. That's a lot of my problem. I always take the blame when something happens. I'm hard on myself. I kick myself when I'm down. I've always been that way. The hardest person for me to forgive is myself. Last night, I did that. Last night, my heart began to beat in a way it hasn't in a very long time. "Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'may you be lifted up and thrown into the sea' and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too." Mark 11:22-26
Have you found yourself worn out from the same old fight? I really feel like God speaks to us in mysterious ways. I received a picture on my wall for my birthday on Thursday and I read much deeper into than what it actually said. It was a picture of New Kids on the Block and it said:' Happy Birthday Natasha! Keep Hanging Tough!' Wait, what? KEEP HANGING TOUGH. Just a little bit longer. It was as if God was telling me that healing was right around the corner. I had no idea what He had in store for my family. Then, I saw another picture on facebook with a bible verse on it that a friend had shared. "God will use the very thing that was meant to destroy you to deliver you." 1 Samuel 17:1 Wow. All of that in the span of a few days. Even with the miracle that my family experienced last night, there are other needs. There are always needs. There always will be. My plan is to believe. Believe that I can ask God to do something specific and know that He will do it. Do you need freedom? Do you need saving? He IS a prison shaking Savior. Do you believe it? Have you received it? Can you feel it? Somebody testify.
I read something else this week that I want to leave you with.
"While praying one day a woman asked, 'Who are you, God?'
He answered. 'I Am.'
'But who is, I Am?' she asked.
He replied. 'I Am Love. I Am Peace. I Am Grace. I Am Joy. I Am Strength. I Am Power. I Am The Creator. I Am The Comforter. I Am The Truth and The Light.'
With tears in her eyes, she looked toward heaven and said, 'Now I understand. But who am I?'
God tenderly wiped the tears from her eyes and whispered, 'You are Mine.'"
Saturday, August 6, 2016
"It Is Time." -Rafiki (The Lion King)
It's been a few weeks since my last post. It's been a rough few weeks. There have been a lot of emotions going through my mind. Through my heart. We lost Dustin's grandmother on July 20th around 10:30pm. It's one of the hardest things I've seen him have to face. Which made it hard for me too. I hated to see him hurt so bad, but I knew I had to be strong for him. In doing that, I held back my emotions. It was so hard to do that. I would go into the bathroom at home when he was asleep or when he was doing something and I would let my emotions out so that he couldn't see it. I knew it would only make it harder on him. I knew I had to be the strong one. There is a quote that says, "A strong marriage doesn't always have two strong people at the same time. It is a husband and wife who take turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak." That is one of the truest statements there is. I hope that I can always be strong for him when he needs me to. There is a song that came to me only 4 days before Mom-Mom passed and it is by NEEDTOBREATHE of course. It's called "Be Here Long". Here are the lyrics.
"Close my eyes and think of you. Go to sleep and dream of you.
We don't get to be here long.
I gave you the best of me. Loved you more than anything.
We don't get to be here long.
And though my heart may be in pieces, my eyes are still set on you.
And though I can't keep it together, I know that you want me to.
I'm swimming in the grief and there's no anchor that can hold me down.
And I don't want any relief cause I don't wanna let you go right now.
Your memories were a charity, they gave me more than I could need.
I know you found the promised land, but I'm still here and I'm missing you."
This song is what kept me strong. However, when I was in my car, and it was on repeat, I couldn't hold back my tears. Not only was I grieving for Mom-Mom, and hurting for Dustin, I was also thinking of my loved ones who have passed that I loved so much. I think I would cut off my right arm to have had my Uncle Bud at my wedding. I honestly would have given anything for that. I think the main reason is because every time I saw him, the first thing he would ask me was, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?". He passed before I met Dustin and I would have loved to have answered that question with, "Yes, I finally met the love of my life." and I never got to. He was well represented at the wedding. His wife, my Aunt Linda, was there. His daughter, my cousin Shari, was there and made my special day perfect. I know that he was right there for the wedding with his brother, his sister, his Dad and his Mom on the front row looking down at me. Which brings me to my next one. My Granny. In Dustin's loss of his Mom-Mom, it really made me think about my Granny. It made me miss her all over again. Why is it that even though we know our loved ones are in a better place, we still can't fully ever let them go?
There is a scene in my favorite Disney movie, The Lion King that I want to share with you. It happens when Simba first meets Rafiki. He tells him that he knows Simba's father, who has died. He explains to Simba that he is still alive.
Rafiki: Look down there.
Simba: That's not my father. That's just my reflection.
Rafiki: No. Look harder.
(The wind picks up. In the air the huge image of Mufasa is forming from the clouds.)
Rafiki: You see. He lives in you.
Mufasa: Simba...
Simba: Father?
Mufasa: Simba, you have forgotten me.
Simba: No. How could I?
Mufasa: you have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself Simba. You are more than what you have become.
Simba: How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be.
Mufasa: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember who you are.
Simba: Looks like the winds are changing.
Rafiki: Ahhhh. Change is good.
Simba: Yeah, but not easy. I know what I have to do. But going back means I'll have to face my past. I've been running from it for so long.
(Rafiki whacks Simba on the head with his staff.)
Simba: OWW! Geez. What was that for?
Rafiki: It doesn't matter. It's in the past!
Simba: Yeah, but it still hurts.
Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.
This takes me to a very spiritual place in my heart. It reminds me of how many times in my life I have been like Simba just searching for my heavenly Father. It's funny how death can make you feel closer to God. It's like you know your loved one is there with Him, and you know they are taken care of, and you are just so thankful that God is the one who chose to take them from you. In all of my emotions lately, I have been battling inside with fear. My struggle with that right now is so strong, and I know that it was just a gift from God that Haylie came to our house obsessing over The Lion King this weekend. I needed it more than she could ever understand. That scene in the movie always makes me feel protected. It makes me feel loved. It makes me feel that no matter what my inner struggles are, God will always take care of it. He lives in me. There is an older song by City Harmonic that has popped into my head, and I feel I need to share it with you. It's called "Fell Apart".
"Put me back together. I fell apart.
You are Creator. You understand my heart.
Man is prone to wander. I feel it everyday.
Put me back together. Won't you find a way.
If You are who You say You are, won't You be who You've always been to me?
Lord I crave for the real thing, just a taste.
You're something real in a world of fake.
Oh my sin of my heart. Begs for bread from a stone.
If You are who You say You are, can I live on words alone?
Tell me where's that hope and peace? Tell me where's that grace?
Words that heal this heart of mine. Lord, You found a way.
Bread of life. Light of the world.
Your home of rest, I may come in.
Good Shepherd. Resurrection Lamb.
The life, true vine.
You are my God. You have spoken.
You found a way. You are the way."
Just like Mufasa put Simba's heart back together, our Father can do the exact same thing for us when we are broken. Sometimes, it takes a friend's help. Do you have a Rafiki in your life? Better yet, are you someone else's Rafiki? Be a Rafiki in a Scar kind of world. I know it's hard, but it is what we are called to do. And if you feel like Simba right now, know that your heavenly Father loves you more than you can ever imagine. If you feel broken. If you feel lost. If you feel scared. He is there. All you have to do is look into the water and see the reflection. He lives in you. He wants you to remember who you are. He wants you to remember who he is. He wants you to remember that you are more than what you have become. He wants to remind you that you are His son. He wants you back. All you have to do is answer. It is time.
"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27
"Close my eyes and think of you. Go to sleep and dream of you.
We don't get to be here long.
I gave you the best of me. Loved you more than anything.
We don't get to be here long.
And though my heart may be in pieces, my eyes are still set on you.
And though I can't keep it together, I know that you want me to.
I'm swimming in the grief and there's no anchor that can hold me down.
And I don't want any relief cause I don't wanna let you go right now.
Your memories were a charity, they gave me more than I could need.
I know you found the promised land, but I'm still here and I'm missing you."
This song is what kept me strong. However, when I was in my car, and it was on repeat, I couldn't hold back my tears. Not only was I grieving for Mom-Mom, and hurting for Dustin, I was also thinking of my loved ones who have passed that I loved so much. I think I would cut off my right arm to have had my Uncle Bud at my wedding. I honestly would have given anything for that. I think the main reason is because every time I saw him, the first thing he would ask me was, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?". He passed before I met Dustin and I would have loved to have answered that question with, "Yes, I finally met the love of my life." and I never got to. He was well represented at the wedding. His wife, my Aunt Linda, was there. His daughter, my cousin Shari, was there and made my special day perfect. I know that he was right there for the wedding with his brother, his sister, his Dad and his Mom on the front row looking down at me. Which brings me to my next one. My Granny. In Dustin's loss of his Mom-Mom, it really made me think about my Granny. It made me miss her all over again. Why is it that even though we know our loved ones are in a better place, we still can't fully ever let them go?
There is a scene in my favorite Disney movie, The Lion King that I want to share with you. It happens when Simba first meets Rafiki. He tells him that he knows Simba's father, who has died. He explains to Simba that he is still alive.
Rafiki: Look down there.
Simba: That's not my father. That's just my reflection.
Rafiki: No. Look harder.
(The wind picks up. In the air the huge image of Mufasa is forming from the clouds.)
Rafiki: You see. He lives in you.
Mufasa: Simba...
Simba: Father?
Mufasa: Simba, you have forgotten me.
Simba: No. How could I?
Mufasa: you have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself Simba. You are more than what you have become.
Simba: How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be.
Mufasa: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember who you are.
Simba: Looks like the winds are changing.
Rafiki: Ahhhh. Change is good.
Simba: Yeah, but not easy. I know what I have to do. But going back means I'll have to face my past. I've been running from it for so long.
(Rafiki whacks Simba on the head with his staff.)
Simba: OWW! Geez. What was that for?
Rafiki: It doesn't matter. It's in the past!
Simba: Yeah, but it still hurts.
Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.
This takes me to a very spiritual place in my heart. It reminds me of how many times in my life I have been like Simba just searching for my heavenly Father. It's funny how death can make you feel closer to God. It's like you know your loved one is there with Him, and you know they are taken care of, and you are just so thankful that God is the one who chose to take them from you. In all of my emotions lately, I have been battling inside with fear. My struggle with that right now is so strong, and I know that it was just a gift from God that Haylie came to our house obsessing over The Lion King this weekend. I needed it more than she could ever understand. That scene in the movie always makes me feel protected. It makes me feel loved. It makes me feel that no matter what my inner struggles are, God will always take care of it. He lives in me. There is an older song by City Harmonic that has popped into my head, and I feel I need to share it with you. It's called "Fell Apart".
"Put me back together. I fell apart.
You are Creator. You understand my heart.
Man is prone to wander. I feel it everyday.
Put me back together. Won't you find a way.
If You are who You say You are, won't You be who You've always been to me?
Lord I crave for the real thing, just a taste.
You're something real in a world of fake.
Oh my sin of my heart. Begs for bread from a stone.
If You are who You say You are, can I live on words alone?
Tell me where's that hope and peace? Tell me where's that grace?
Words that heal this heart of mine. Lord, You found a way.
Bread of life. Light of the world.
Your home of rest, I may come in.
Good Shepherd. Resurrection Lamb.
The life, true vine.
You are my God. You have spoken.
You found a way. You are the way."
Just like Mufasa put Simba's heart back together, our Father can do the exact same thing for us when we are broken. Sometimes, it takes a friend's help. Do you have a Rafiki in your life? Better yet, are you someone else's Rafiki? Be a Rafiki in a Scar kind of world. I know it's hard, but it is what we are called to do. And if you feel like Simba right now, know that your heavenly Father loves you more than you can ever imagine. If you feel broken. If you feel lost. If you feel scared. He is there. All you have to do is look into the water and see the reflection. He lives in you. He wants you to remember who you are. He wants you to remember who he is. He wants you to remember that you are more than what you have become. He wants to remind you that you are His son. He wants you back. All you have to do is answer. It is time.
"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27
Friday, July 15, 2016
More Heart. Less Attack.
"Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are." -Mother Teresa
Take a deep breath.
Just breathe.
This is the moment you've waited your whole life for.
This is your day.
This is God's plan.
I'll never forget the way I felt standing behind the door with no one but my Dad beside me holding me up. It was mixed emotions. I was the happiest I had ever felt in my life, but at the same time I was so overwhelmed by emotion. As I looked at my Dad for the last time as a "Snapp", he said to me, "Are you ready Tash?" and I said "Ready as I'll ever be." and he said with a giggle, "Let's go then." As I walked down the aisle, all eyes were on me. That part was hard for me. I'm not a fan of being the center of everyone's attention. I always want to go back to the shy little girl who hid behind her Daddy's leg. However, I couldn't much do that. Instead, I looked up. I looked straight ahead. I looked into the eyes of the man that I would spend forever with, as my Dad "carried" me to the next chapter in my life.
We are all searching for someone to take care of us. It doesn't matter how old we get, we always want to feel loved and cared for by someone. My whole life, I've been blessed. I've always had that. In fact, two of the biggest supporters in my life have always been my parents. They took care of me as a child, as a teenager, as a young adult, and as an old adult. So much so, that I feel like I owe them my life. They had a huge part in me becoming the person I am. The good. The bad. The in between. It's me. And I owe most of it to them. I have my Mom's neck. I have my Dad's nose. I have my Mom's taste in music. I have my Dad's taste in food. I have my Mom's spunk. I have my Dad's sweetness. I have my Mom's forgiving spirit. I have my Dad's sensitivity. I have my Mom's gift of giving. I have my Dad's gift of spreading the Word. I have my Mom's heart. I have my Dad's love. They did their best to teach me what is right and what is wrong. For the most part, they were successful. They were the ones who taught me who Jesus is. They were the ones who always made sure I was in church. I was saved on October 17, 1993 and my biggest fan was right beside me, my Mom! I'm thankful to have such great parents in my life. Especially now that I've realized that not everyone is that lucky.
I went straight from two great parents, to having just as great a husband. He takes care of me. He has that gift. He's always taken care of someone his whole life. I'm thankful he chose me to take care of for the rest of his life. He has such a big heart and words can't express how blessed I feel to be the one holding that big heart of his. He is my life. We love each other more and more every day. My favorite part of our wedding day, we did what is called a "Cross Ceremony". It takes the place of the "Unity Candle". The outer part of the cross represents the man. The head of the household. The inside part of the cross represents the woman. Who is protected by the outer shield. The cross had three "nails" that held it together. We had Haylie do that part to show she helps hold us together. Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or more are gathered, I am their in their midst." Dustin and I have always put God first in our lives, and we promised to put Him first always in our marriage. He and I do a Bible Study every night before bed. A lot of people don't know that about us. We have done that for over a year now and it's something that I always look forward to. On Sunday nights, we share a song with each other that has spoken to us in some way during our week. We talk. We laugh. We cry. We get to know each other on a deeper level. It's my favorite part of my week.
One of my very favorite songs in the world is called "More Heart. Less Attack" by NEEDTOBREATHE. The lyrics are ones that I pray everyday. They describe how I want to be. The person I long to be. The person my parents taught me to be. The person God made me. The person Dustin fell in love with. I've always been told that I'm very kind hearted. I try to look out for people. I try to be the nicest person I can be. I try to make sure people are happy. I try to put others before myself. As you read these song lyrics, know that it describes the person I try my best to be. Who I am meant to be. Who I strive to be. Who I can't always be.
"Be the light in the cracks, be the one who's mending the camel's back.
Slow to anger and quick to laugh. Be more heart and less attack.
Be the wheels not the track. Be the wanderer that's coming back.
Leave the past right where it's at. Be more heart and less attack.
The more you take the less you have. 'Cause it's you in the mirror that's starin' back.
Quick to let go, slow to react. Be more heart and less attack.
Ever growing steadfast. And if need be, the one that's in the gap.
Be the never turning back. Twice the heart any man could have.
Be the wheels not the track. Be the wanderer that's coming back.
Leave the past right where it's at. Be more heart and less attack.
I stuck my hat out, I caught the rain drops.
I drank the water. I felt my veins pop.
I'm nearly sanctified. I'm nearly broken.
I'm down the river, I'm nearly open.
I'm down the river, to where I'm going."
I used that song in my wedding to seat the mothers and grandmothers. I chose it for a few reasons. I wanted to have a NEEDTOBREATHE song in my wedding, I wanted to always think of my wedding every time I hear it, and I knew the words would always be the ones I go to when I need to be brought back down a notch. The long and short of it is, God wants us to be his children. To love like He loved. To allow Him to do our fighting for us. To be that ONE that everyone talks about. The giver. The lover. The joy. So take that heart that God gave you and put it to good use. Especially in world we live in today. Be more heart. Be less attack.
Take a deep breath.
Just breathe.
This is the moment you've waited your whole life for.
This is your day.
This is God's plan.
I'll never forget the way I felt standing behind the door with no one but my Dad beside me holding me up. It was mixed emotions. I was the happiest I had ever felt in my life, but at the same time I was so overwhelmed by emotion. As I looked at my Dad for the last time as a "Snapp", he said to me, "Are you ready Tash?" and I said "Ready as I'll ever be." and he said with a giggle, "Let's go then." As I walked down the aisle, all eyes were on me. That part was hard for me. I'm not a fan of being the center of everyone's attention. I always want to go back to the shy little girl who hid behind her Daddy's leg. However, I couldn't much do that. Instead, I looked up. I looked straight ahead. I looked into the eyes of the man that I would spend forever with, as my Dad "carried" me to the next chapter in my life.
We are all searching for someone to take care of us. It doesn't matter how old we get, we always want to feel loved and cared for by someone. My whole life, I've been blessed. I've always had that. In fact, two of the biggest supporters in my life have always been my parents. They took care of me as a child, as a teenager, as a young adult, and as an old adult. So much so, that I feel like I owe them my life. They had a huge part in me becoming the person I am. The good. The bad. The in between. It's me. And I owe most of it to them. I have my Mom's neck. I have my Dad's nose. I have my Mom's taste in music. I have my Dad's taste in food. I have my Mom's spunk. I have my Dad's sweetness. I have my Mom's forgiving spirit. I have my Dad's sensitivity. I have my Mom's gift of giving. I have my Dad's gift of spreading the Word. I have my Mom's heart. I have my Dad's love. They did their best to teach me what is right and what is wrong. For the most part, they were successful. They were the ones who taught me who Jesus is. They were the ones who always made sure I was in church. I was saved on October 17, 1993 and my biggest fan was right beside me, my Mom! I'm thankful to have such great parents in my life. Especially now that I've realized that not everyone is that lucky.
I went straight from two great parents, to having just as great a husband. He takes care of me. He has that gift. He's always taken care of someone his whole life. I'm thankful he chose me to take care of for the rest of his life. He has such a big heart and words can't express how blessed I feel to be the one holding that big heart of his. He is my life. We love each other more and more every day. My favorite part of our wedding day, we did what is called a "Cross Ceremony". It takes the place of the "Unity Candle". The outer part of the cross represents the man. The head of the household. The inside part of the cross represents the woman. Who is protected by the outer shield. The cross had three "nails" that held it together. We had Haylie do that part to show she helps hold us together. Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or more are gathered, I am their in their midst." Dustin and I have always put God first in our lives, and we promised to put Him first always in our marriage. He and I do a Bible Study every night before bed. A lot of people don't know that about us. We have done that for over a year now and it's something that I always look forward to. On Sunday nights, we share a song with each other that has spoken to us in some way during our week. We talk. We laugh. We cry. We get to know each other on a deeper level. It's my favorite part of my week.
One of my very favorite songs in the world is called "More Heart. Less Attack" by NEEDTOBREATHE. The lyrics are ones that I pray everyday. They describe how I want to be. The person I long to be. The person my parents taught me to be. The person God made me. The person Dustin fell in love with. I've always been told that I'm very kind hearted. I try to look out for people. I try to be the nicest person I can be. I try to make sure people are happy. I try to put others before myself. As you read these song lyrics, know that it describes the person I try my best to be. Who I am meant to be. Who I strive to be. Who I can't always be.
"Be the light in the cracks, be the one who's mending the camel's back.
Slow to anger and quick to laugh. Be more heart and less attack.
Be the wheels not the track. Be the wanderer that's coming back.
Leave the past right where it's at. Be more heart and less attack.
The more you take the less you have. 'Cause it's you in the mirror that's starin' back.
Quick to let go, slow to react. Be more heart and less attack.
Ever growing steadfast. And if need be, the one that's in the gap.
Be the never turning back. Twice the heart any man could have.
Be the wheels not the track. Be the wanderer that's coming back.
Leave the past right where it's at. Be more heart and less attack.
I stuck my hat out, I caught the rain drops.
I drank the water. I felt my veins pop.
I'm nearly sanctified. I'm nearly broken.
I'm down the river, I'm nearly open.
I'm down the river, to where I'm going."
I used that song in my wedding to seat the mothers and grandmothers. I chose it for a few reasons. I wanted to have a NEEDTOBREATHE song in my wedding, I wanted to always think of my wedding every time I hear it, and I knew the words would always be the ones I go to when I need to be brought back down a notch. The long and short of it is, God wants us to be his children. To love like He loved. To allow Him to do our fighting for us. To be that ONE that everyone talks about. The giver. The lover. The joy. So take that heart that God gave you and put it to good use. Especially in world we live in today. Be more heart. Be less attack.
Monday, July 11, 2016
How He Loves
I've always loved music. I think it's something I got from my brother. Maybe we both got it from our Mom. As a kid, I adored my older brother, Travis. He was 7 years older than me and I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to do every single thing that he did. Everything I know about music, I learned from him. I know I have told this story a thousand times before, but my brother used to make me copies of his cassette tapes so that I could listen to "his music". I found out many years later, as he was recording the tape, he would pause it every time there was a bad word so that I wouldn't listen to that. It's one of the things I think about when I think of how great of a brother he has been to me. It's one of those things that makes me realize how much he loves me. He taught me the love of music.
When I was 13 years old, I heard a song that would change my life and my heart forever. It was called "Where There Is Faith" and I heard it at church. It makes sense that a song would be what would save me. That a song would show me the love of Jesus. That a song would make me want to live my life for Christ. "I believe in faithfulness. I believe in giving of myself, for someone else. I believe in peace and love. I believe in honesty and trust. But it's not enough. For all that I believe may never change the way it is, unless I believe Jesus lives. Where there is faith, there is a voice calling, keep walking. You're not alone in this world. Where there is faith, there is a peace like a child sleeping. Hope everlasting in He, who is able to bear every burden to heal every hurt in my heart. It is a wonderful, powerful place. Where there is faith." Those lyrics will always be the words that saved me. Those lyrics will always be what made me realize how much He loves me. Music taught me the love of Jesus.
Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be Chris Tomlin? I bet he could walk into just about any church on the planet on a Sunday morning and hear one of his own songs during the worship service. This was my thought process on Sunday morning as I sang one of his worship songs at my own church. It really got me thinking on worship and how important it is to me. Worship time at church has always spoke to me more so than a message. The song we were singing on Sunday was called "Good, Good Father." I have heard and sang that song so many times over the past 6 months, yet on Sunday, for the first time, I heard the lyrics. "Oh, I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like. But I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night. And you tell me that you're pleased and that I'm never alone. Oh and I've seen many searching for answers far and wide. But I know we're all searching for answers only you provide. Cause you know just what we need before we say a word. You're a good, good Father. It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are. And I'm loved by You. It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am. Cause you are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways to us." Wow. Just think about those words for a second. They make my heart skip a beat.
But, it wasn't until I heard the last verse, that my heart felt like it could pop out of my chest. "Oh it's love so undeniable. I, I can hardly speak. Peace so unexplainable. I, I can hardly think. As you call me deeper still, as you call me deeper still, as you call me deeper still, into love, love, love." Even people who know me the best, don't know this about me. When I am worshiping, my heart goes into this deep, wonderful place. I feel like I'm with Jesus the whole time. I get so overwhelmed by the words of the song, that I can't stop wanting to cry. So, I stop singing until I can gather myself again. I stopped singing on that whole last verse because I just couldn't do it without balling my eyes out. Another thing about me that people don't know, is a big pet peeve of mine. It's something I need to work on more, because a worship service is the last place you want to be frustrated about something. I just hate it when people come in late. I know that things happen and that it sometimes can't be helped. BUT, if you are going to be so late that you are coming in during the last worship song wanting me to move so you can get to a seat, why not wait til the song is over? I think that's why most churches start out their worship with a fast song and they end with the slower songs. The slower ones are more moving and put you into the heart of worship. It bothers me so much when people come in THAT late. I know that God wouldn't want me to feel that way, but He also understands how important that part of the service is to me. Hopefully He can help me out with that struggle.
Do me a favor. Just sit still. In the quiet for one full minute. Think about nothing but one thought. "How much does Jesus love me?" My favorite worship song of all time is by David Crowder. It's called "How He Loves" and it's the one song that can always put me in my place. David Crowder is one of my all time favorites. Mainly because his lyrics are so deep. "He is jealous for me. Love's like a hurricane, and I am a tree. Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me. And oh, how he loves us, oh. Oh, how he loves us. How he loves us, oh. We are his portion and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes. If grace is an ocean, we are all sinking. So heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets, when I think about the way he loves us. Oh how he loves us. Oh how he loves us. Yeah he loves us. Oh how he loves us. Oh how he loves us." Now. Do me another favor. Look up this song. Listen to all 4 minutes and 8 seconds of it, all while thinking of how much Jesus loves you. I promise you, it will be something you will want to do again.
His love for us is an amazing feeling. His love for me, truly makes my heart turn violent inside of my chest. It does that every single time I worship Him. From the day I was born, I was influenced by music. I know I will be until the day I die. Thanks to people like Chris Tomlin, and David Crowder, I'm able to put myself back into perspective with just a 4 minute song. But, it's supposed to be that way.
"Sing to the Lord, all the earth, proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all people. For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise." 1 Chronicles 16:23-25
When I was 13 years old, I heard a song that would change my life and my heart forever. It was called "Where There Is Faith" and I heard it at church. It makes sense that a song would be what would save me. That a song would show me the love of Jesus. That a song would make me want to live my life for Christ. "I believe in faithfulness. I believe in giving of myself, for someone else. I believe in peace and love. I believe in honesty and trust. But it's not enough. For all that I believe may never change the way it is, unless I believe Jesus lives. Where there is faith, there is a voice calling, keep walking. You're not alone in this world. Where there is faith, there is a peace like a child sleeping. Hope everlasting in He, who is able to bear every burden to heal every hurt in my heart. It is a wonderful, powerful place. Where there is faith." Those lyrics will always be the words that saved me. Those lyrics will always be what made me realize how much He loves me. Music taught me the love of Jesus.
Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be Chris Tomlin? I bet he could walk into just about any church on the planet on a Sunday morning and hear one of his own songs during the worship service. This was my thought process on Sunday morning as I sang one of his worship songs at my own church. It really got me thinking on worship and how important it is to me. Worship time at church has always spoke to me more so than a message. The song we were singing on Sunday was called "Good, Good Father." I have heard and sang that song so many times over the past 6 months, yet on Sunday, for the first time, I heard the lyrics. "Oh, I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like. But I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night. And you tell me that you're pleased and that I'm never alone. Oh and I've seen many searching for answers far and wide. But I know we're all searching for answers only you provide. Cause you know just what we need before we say a word. You're a good, good Father. It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are. And I'm loved by You. It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am. Cause you are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways to us." Wow. Just think about those words for a second. They make my heart skip a beat.
But, it wasn't until I heard the last verse, that my heart felt like it could pop out of my chest. "Oh it's love so undeniable. I, I can hardly speak. Peace so unexplainable. I, I can hardly think. As you call me deeper still, as you call me deeper still, as you call me deeper still, into love, love, love." Even people who know me the best, don't know this about me. When I am worshiping, my heart goes into this deep, wonderful place. I feel like I'm with Jesus the whole time. I get so overwhelmed by the words of the song, that I can't stop wanting to cry. So, I stop singing until I can gather myself again. I stopped singing on that whole last verse because I just couldn't do it without balling my eyes out. Another thing about me that people don't know, is a big pet peeve of mine. It's something I need to work on more, because a worship service is the last place you want to be frustrated about something. I just hate it when people come in late. I know that things happen and that it sometimes can't be helped. BUT, if you are going to be so late that you are coming in during the last worship song wanting me to move so you can get to a seat, why not wait til the song is over? I think that's why most churches start out their worship with a fast song and they end with the slower songs. The slower ones are more moving and put you into the heart of worship. It bothers me so much when people come in THAT late. I know that God wouldn't want me to feel that way, but He also understands how important that part of the service is to me. Hopefully He can help me out with that struggle.
Do me a favor. Just sit still. In the quiet for one full minute. Think about nothing but one thought. "How much does Jesus love me?" My favorite worship song of all time is by David Crowder. It's called "How He Loves" and it's the one song that can always put me in my place. David Crowder is one of my all time favorites. Mainly because his lyrics are so deep. "He is jealous for me. Love's like a hurricane, and I am a tree. Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me. And oh, how he loves us, oh. Oh, how he loves us. How he loves us, oh. We are his portion and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes. If grace is an ocean, we are all sinking. So heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets, when I think about the way he loves us. Oh how he loves us. Oh how he loves us. Yeah he loves us. Oh how he loves us. Oh how he loves us." Now. Do me another favor. Look up this song. Listen to all 4 minutes and 8 seconds of it, all while thinking of how much Jesus loves you. I promise you, it will be something you will want to do again.
His love for us is an amazing feeling. His love for me, truly makes my heart turn violent inside of my chest. It does that every single time I worship Him. From the day I was born, I was influenced by music. I know I will be until the day I die. Thanks to people like Chris Tomlin, and David Crowder, I'm able to put myself back into perspective with just a 4 minute song. But, it's supposed to be that way.
"Sing to the Lord, all the earth, proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all people. For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise." 1 Chronicles 16:23-25
Monday, July 4, 2016
Live Second
To put it lightly, this past week was one of the hardest weeks I've had in a really long time. It wasn't anything to do with work, or anything to do with anyone else. It was just a battle within myself. A battle of control. A battle of not having any control over a situation. Because of my inward battle, it made it a hard week for not only myself, but everyone around me as well. I know that the Devil uses things to bring you down, and that he targets the ones that are easiest to bring down. People with a sensitive personality like myself. People who feel like they have fallen into water without being able to swim or have a way out. I saw a quote on Facebook the other day that describes it perfectly. "You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there."
There are so many things of this world that tend to take all of our attention. It doesn't matter how old we are, there is something that will get into our system and consume us. Last week, I became aware of a game called "Five Night's At Freddy's". It's rated for "Teens", however in my opinion, it shouldn't even be allowed for adults. A lot of kids are drawn to it as well which is what made me look into it. The backstory of it is: A man took some kids into a room and killed them, stuffing them into these animal robots, who now are trained to try and kill a security guard at night. As the "gamer", you are the security guard. That in itself should be enough for anyone to not let their kids play it. I stayed up until midnight for two nights straight just reading up on it. Listening to song lyrics, reading song lyrics, reading parental reviews, watching videos and even playing the demo of all 4 versions of the game. It is very dark and very scary. I became consumed with it. And not even because I wanted to play it. Because I was trying to become an expert at it. To know my facts in case anyone asked why I didn't want my kid or anyone else's playing it.
By becoming consumed by it, I lost sight of the fact that God is in control. It wasn't until I heard the same song about 6 different times that it finally sunk in. Jeremy Camp's "Christ In Me". Here are the lyrics: "In this obsession with the things this world says make us happy. Can't see the slaves we are in all the searching, all the grasping. Like we deserve much more than all these blessings we're holding. So now I'm running free into an ocean of mercy unending. So come and empty me, so that it's you I breathe. I want my life to be only Christ in me. So I will fix my eyes, 'cause you're my source of life. I need the world to see, that it's Christ in me. Done with what holds me down, the things I once was chasing after. Throw off these heavy chains that I have let become my master. So now I'm running free into an ocean of mercy unending."
Once those words were able to sink in, I was fine. I know that God is in control. However, it's always been hard for me to just let go and let God. There was an illustration I saw on Facebook this week as well. It seems that whatever you are going through, God allows every post you see or song you hear to be of some help to you. The illustration was this. "A psychologist taught stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected to be asked the 'half empty or half full' question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: 'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from 8 oz to 20 oz. She replied: 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.' She continued; 'The stresses and worries of life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer, and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day, you will feel paralyzed- incapable of doing anything.' So remember to put the glass down."
I know that God will always protect me and my family. I know that God will not allow evil to consume any of us. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." I know that God will take care of it for me. He always does. What do I have to do in exchange? Nothing. But if you are like me and you still feel like you have to do something, do this. Live second.
Dustin and I do a devotion every night. The book is called "Live Second" and it's from a series called "I am Second". There are videos and stories of athletes, actors and singers who tell their stories of how God saved them from something big and caused them to start putting God first in their lives. We both have bracelets that we wear almost every day. I know we both have had numerous people ask us what "I am second" means. Wearing that bracelet gives us a chance to tell our story. To witness to others about why they should put God first.
My favorite line of "Christ in Me" is where he says "So come and empty me, so that it's You I breathe. I want my life to be only Christ in me." Allow yourself to be emptied out so that the only thing that you breathe is your Lord and Savior. Live Second. Always put Him first no matter what. Live your life in a way that everyone knows and sees your light shine. Ephesians 5:8 says "You were once in darkness, but now you are in the light. Walk as children of the light." Don't allow this world to consume you or your thoughts. Pray every day for evil to stay away from you. Let go and let God. Be emptied. Breathe Christ. Live Second.
There are so many things of this world that tend to take all of our attention. It doesn't matter how old we are, there is something that will get into our system and consume us. Last week, I became aware of a game called "Five Night's At Freddy's". It's rated for "Teens", however in my opinion, it shouldn't even be allowed for adults. A lot of kids are drawn to it as well which is what made me look into it. The backstory of it is: A man took some kids into a room and killed them, stuffing them into these animal robots, who now are trained to try and kill a security guard at night. As the "gamer", you are the security guard. That in itself should be enough for anyone to not let their kids play it. I stayed up until midnight for two nights straight just reading up on it. Listening to song lyrics, reading song lyrics, reading parental reviews, watching videos and even playing the demo of all 4 versions of the game. It is very dark and very scary. I became consumed with it. And not even because I wanted to play it. Because I was trying to become an expert at it. To know my facts in case anyone asked why I didn't want my kid or anyone else's playing it.
By becoming consumed by it, I lost sight of the fact that God is in control. It wasn't until I heard the same song about 6 different times that it finally sunk in. Jeremy Camp's "Christ In Me". Here are the lyrics: "In this obsession with the things this world says make us happy. Can't see the slaves we are in all the searching, all the grasping. Like we deserve much more than all these blessings we're holding. So now I'm running free into an ocean of mercy unending. So come and empty me, so that it's you I breathe. I want my life to be only Christ in me. So I will fix my eyes, 'cause you're my source of life. I need the world to see, that it's Christ in me. Done with what holds me down, the things I once was chasing after. Throw off these heavy chains that I have let become my master. So now I'm running free into an ocean of mercy unending."
Once those words were able to sink in, I was fine. I know that God is in control. However, it's always been hard for me to just let go and let God. There was an illustration I saw on Facebook this week as well. It seems that whatever you are going through, God allows every post you see or song you hear to be of some help to you. The illustration was this. "A psychologist taught stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected to be asked the 'half empty or half full' question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: 'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from 8 oz to 20 oz. She replied: 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.' She continued; 'The stresses and worries of life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer, and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day, you will feel paralyzed- incapable of doing anything.' So remember to put the glass down."
I know that God will always protect me and my family. I know that God will not allow evil to consume any of us. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." I know that God will take care of it for me. He always does. What do I have to do in exchange? Nothing. But if you are like me and you still feel like you have to do something, do this. Live second.
Dustin and I do a devotion every night. The book is called "Live Second" and it's from a series called "I am Second". There are videos and stories of athletes, actors and singers who tell their stories of how God saved them from something big and caused them to start putting God first in their lives. We both have bracelets that we wear almost every day. I know we both have had numerous people ask us what "I am second" means. Wearing that bracelet gives us a chance to tell our story. To witness to others about why they should put God first.
My favorite line of "Christ in Me" is where he says "So come and empty me, so that it's You I breathe. I want my life to be only Christ in me." Allow yourself to be emptied out so that the only thing that you breathe is your Lord and Savior. Live Second. Always put Him first no matter what. Live your life in a way that everyone knows and sees your light shine. Ephesians 5:8 says "You were once in darkness, but now you are in the light. Walk as children of the light." Don't allow this world to consume you or your thoughts. Pray every day for evil to stay away from you. Let go and let God. Be emptied. Breathe Christ. Live Second.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Don't Look Down!
It's been a while. I had a blog called "Snapp Shot" and I haven't written in a long time. I decided to start a new blog and a new beginning with my new life and my new name. That's right. New name. I got married a little over 2 months ago. It was the happiest day of my life. It will take a lot to top that day as the best. I remember the feeling I had that morning. It wasn't nerves. It wasn't even excitement. It was simply this. Contentment. I remember going to pick up a set of flowers that morning, and the look from the lady I picked them up from. With a very confused look she asked, "Are you the one getting married?" I responded in my normal voice, "Yes, I am the bride." She laughed and said "Congratulations. But how are you so calm?". "Because it's right." I replied.
Certain things in life you just know is in God's plan for you. Like, who you are supposed to marry and spend the rest of your life with. Or, how things worked out perfectly for you to be able to afford to have a wedding and take a two week honeymoon. Or, the blessings in your life. The people who truly care about you and want your wedding day and honeymoon to be perfect. All of that comes from God's plan. However, sometimes even when you know everything is right, you can still lose your vision. In the planning of the wedding, it's easy to lose sight on what brought you to where you are. And after the wedding and honeymoon, it's even worse. The best day you will ever have in your life is now gone. The two week honeymoon that you looked forward to for so long is now over. It's hard to go from that, to "My fridge is leaking." or "My dryer doesn't work right." and "Why won't the toilet flush?" Everyday struggles and stress that you were able to put in the back of your mind before the wedding, are now fresh and new.
I read an article on "Post Wedding Depression" the other day. It's one of the main reasons the first year of marriage is said to be the toughest. It's like the stress is so apparent to you now because you don't have the wedding planning to distract your mind. The stress becomes so strong that your mind completely shuts down. I don't know if that's what I have been experiencing or not, but it makes sense. However, I do know that I have lost sight of what allows all the blessings to come. Not what, so much as who. See, I am a God girl. He is not only my Savior, but my Protector and my Comforter. So, if I have lost sight of Him, that means I feel scared and lonely. It's hard to go through everyday stress and struggles without a Protector and Comforter.
My very favorite Bible Verse says: "The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." Exodus 14:14 You have no idea how many times that verse has ran through my head in my life. It's the verse I always go to. Another favorite says: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 I'm a big music freak. I love Christian Rock music so much more than I could ever put into words. One of my favorites is the band Switchfoot. A few weeks ago I watched a YouTube video of an interview with the lead singer, Jon Foreman. In the interview, he said something that I think will always stick with me. "It's easier for me to believe in God, than to believe that God loves me." I have always felt this way and never knew how to explain it until I heard him say it. It's like I have never felt worthy of God's love for me. Why would He love me? Why would He ALWAYS want me back?
Which brings me to this day. And more music. My very favorite band is Needtobreathe. One of their earliest songs is titled "I Won't Look Back". I have heard that song so many times, but it has never spoke to me in the way that it did this week. A lot of times, their lyrics are so deep that it takes them a while to sink in. That, on top of the fact that the right song speaks to you when you need it to. Here are some of the lyrics:
"Love, love isn't always, Love, the way that we mean. Just like you are right now is all, all that I need. Let's start over, don't be afraid cause I won't keep track. Let's climb to the top. If you won't look down, I won't look back. Love, love isn't always, Love, the kind that you hold. I will be here waiting if you, you can let go. Let's start over, don't be afraid cause I won't keep track. Let's climb to the top. If you won't look down, I won't look back."
Let me start by saying, I really love songs that are written in the voice of Jesus. You listen, and it's as if Jesus is talking right to you. If you didn't catch that while reading the lyrics the first time, take the time to read them again. He is always there to take us back. To encourage us to keep climbing with our head up. To assure us that He's not keeping track of our wrongs. To remind us of His unfailing love for us. He is my Protector. He is my Comforter. He is my climbing instructor. He is my Father. He is Love.
Today, I feel more complete. More comforted. More protected. I feel closer to the mountain top. So, if you are feeling all alone, sad, lonely and depressed, know that your heavenly Father is right there waiting to help you make it to the top. No questions asked. Just remember, don't look down. Just keep climbing.
Certain things in life you just know is in God's plan for you. Like, who you are supposed to marry and spend the rest of your life with. Or, how things worked out perfectly for you to be able to afford to have a wedding and take a two week honeymoon. Or, the blessings in your life. The people who truly care about you and want your wedding day and honeymoon to be perfect. All of that comes from God's plan. However, sometimes even when you know everything is right, you can still lose your vision. In the planning of the wedding, it's easy to lose sight on what brought you to where you are. And after the wedding and honeymoon, it's even worse. The best day you will ever have in your life is now gone. The two week honeymoon that you looked forward to for so long is now over. It's hard to go from that, to "My fridge is leaking." or "My dryer doesn't work right." and "Why won't the toilet flush?" Everyday struggles and stress that you were able to put in the back of your mind before the wedding, are now fresh and new.
I read an article on "Post Wedding Depression" the other day. It's one of the main reasons the first year of marriage is said to be the toughest. It's like the stress is so apparent to you now because you don't have the wedding planning to distract your mind. The stress becomes so strong that your mind completely shuts down. I don't know if that's what I have been experiencing or not, but it makes sense. However, I do know that I have lost sight of what allows all the blessings to come. Not what, so much as who. See, I am a God girl. He is not only my Savior, but my Protector and my Comforter. So, if I have lost sight of Him, that means I feel scared and lonely. It's hard to go through everyday stress and struggles without a Protector and Comforter.
My very favorite Bible Verse says: "The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." Exodus 14:14 You have no idea how many times that verse has ran through my head in my life. It's the verse I always go to. Another favorite says: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 I'm a big music freak. I love Christian Rock music so much more than I could ever put into words. One of my favorites is the band Switchfoot. A few weeks ago I watched a YouTube video of an interview with the lead singer, Jon Foreman. In the interview, he said something that I think will always stick with me. "It's easier for me to believe in God, than to believe that God loves me." I have always felt this way and never knew how to explain it until I heard him say it. It's like I have never felt worthy of God's love for me. Why would He love me? Why would He ALWAYS want me back?
Which brings me to this day. And more music. My very favorite band is Needtobreathe. One of their earliest songs is titled "I Won't Look Back". I have heard that song so many times, but it has never spoke to me in the way that it did this week. A lot of times, their lyrics are so deep that it takes them a while to sink in. That, on top of the fact that the right song speaks to you when you need it to. Here are some of the lyrics:
"Love, love isn't always, Love, the way that we mean. Just like you are right now is all, all that I need. Let's start over, don't be afraid cause I won't keep track. Let's climb to the top. If you won't look down, I won't look back. Love, love isn't always, Love, the kind that you hold. I will be here waiting if you, you can let go. Let's start over, don't be afraid cause I won't keep track. Let's climb to the top. If you won't look down, I won't look back."
Let me start by saying, I really love songs that are written in the voice of Jesus. You listen, and it's as if Jesus is talking right to you. If you didn't catch that while reading the lyrics the first time, take the time to read them again. He is always there to take us back. To encourage us to keep climbing with our head up. To assure us that He's not keeping track of our wrongs. To remind us of His unfailing love for us. He is my Protector. He is my Comforter. He is my climbing instructor. He is my Father. He is Love.
Today, I feel more complete. More comforted. More protected. I feel closer to the mountain top. So, if you are feeling all alone, sad, lonely and depressed, know that your heavenly Father is right there waiting to help you make it to the top. No questions asked. Just remember, don't look down. Just keep climbing.
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